Tag Archives: social media

Causes and Friends, Classes and Courses, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth, Small People, Using social media

Fact or fake?

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Netsmartzkids has some great resources for teachers and parents who want to keep their kids safe online. Among those resources are some “Into the Cloud” animated videos–each about five minutes long covering some aspect of being safe online.

I’m sharing one in the hope that it will pique your interest and you’ll explore the site. There are free ebooks, activity sheets, games… lots of things to use with kids. But I do have another purpose behind the sharing.

I hope it will get you thinking. I’ve recently noticed that many people are using social media for “research.” Some of this is relatively harmless. “What is the phone number for this local business?” This question makes it necessary for the researcher to wait for a comment that includes the answer. I’m always tempted to point out that a Google search would likely reveal the answer in seconds.

No wonder the phone company started charging for directory assistance. People were calling 411 instead of using the directory. What does that say about us?

But what might be of greater concern is the people who are posting symptoms and asking for medical advice. And, as if that’s not troubling enough, there are often plenty of folks willing to demonstrate their “expertise.” I’m always tempted to post “Call your doctor.” Or, in some cases, “Go to the E.R.”

Telemedicine is a valid concept but it’s not a product I’d contract for on Facebook or Snapchat.

And then there’s financial advice. One of the social media groups I’m part of gets multiple questions every day from people wanting to know things like “What’s the best form of business for me to adopt” and “How much should I charge for…?”

Yes, there is some value in soliciting opinions–but in addition to being able to separate fact and fake, we also could get a lot better at separating fact and opinion. I don’t teach it often but I do have a “thinking skills” program. In addition to differentiating between divergent and convergent thinking, it includes the skill of “happying” and the skill of “crap detecting.”

In that course, I used to ask students to bring in a newspaper. We’d then look at every headline closely and answer this question: “Is the headline a fact or an opinion?” One of the learning outcomes is that we tend to accept opinions as facts if those opinions support what we already believe.

So here’s something else for you to think about. When you start scrolling on Facebook, what are you looking for? Cute kitten or puppy photos are probably safe (although some are digitally altered and do not depict reality–fact or fake?). Or are you hoping to find a lot of people (it is called social media) who agree with your opinions and beliefs?

Kids aren’t the only ones who occasionally get suckered by what’s on the Internet.

Causes and Friends, Learning, Mental Health, Using social media

THink before you click!

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I posted this on Facebook a while ago, but I think it bears repeating. It was a tip I posted by a respected law enforcement agency warning people to be extremely careful about “sharing” requests to help find missing children. There have been cases where these requests were created by someone looking for a child who wasn’t actually missing but the individual was seeking information about the child for questionable reasons. Those reasons range from custody battles and a parent hiding a child from an abusive parent to sex trafficking.

No doubt some are legitimate but is it worth the risk? When a missing child is reported, law enforcement uses many resources including social media. Personally, my policy is to only share posts about missing children made by verifiable law enforcement agencies. It’s NOT worth the risk.

I’ve expanded the original Facebook post and included it on my website because this is important. Most people are caring and want to be helpful and that means sometimes on social media we click without much thought. Good intentions can have tragic consequences.

This might also be a good reminder to talk with any children who have social media accounts about the dangers and hazards. If they see a missing puppy post last seen in their neighborhood, will they go looking for it? I hope not because I’m not sure who posted it and why.

Some will object to living in fear but it’s not fear; it’s caution and common sense. I doubt that most parents would teach their children to try to beat the yellow light when crossing the street. We teach them to look both ways even when the light is green, right? This is no different. I queried a second-grader at school about fire safety recently. She had no trouble remembering (and demonstrating!) “Stop, Drop, Roll.” Let’s teach them to to “Stop! Think!”

If you need some help with that conversation there are some great resources on the Internet and schools can often be helpful. One personal favorite site is Netsmartz–all kinds of short videos and resources there for different aged kids teaching how to be smart on the Internet.

Since this post will also show up on Mr. Boomsma’s Facebook Page… do think, but please click and share it. You just might save a child in the process.

Causes and Friends, Communication, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Suicide Prevention

It’s Really Not About You!

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Every Suicide Awareness and Prevention Workshop seems to have something special about it. Our most recent was attended by a thirteen-year-old girl who, when she found out her Mom was attending, asked if she could tag along. That of itself is pretty impressive but this young lady was an enthusiastic attendee with some real insights.

An important part of the workshop is a discussion of what works and what doesn’t when dealing with someone who might be suicidal. Since we’d been talking about social media, I naturally ended up mentioning a post that I’ve seen all too often on Facebook. When I described it, my thirteen-year-old student immediately looked shocked and blurted, “That’s selfish!” I think my mouth dropped open a bit as I contemplated the fact that this young girl “gets it.”

We agreed that people sharing the post are well-intended but as is often the case on social media they are clicking without thinking.  As even my young friend seemed to understand, when someone is contemplating suicide, we really shouldn’t try to make it about us.

Furthermore, we know that when someone reaches the point where they are considering suicide, their thinking is affected and they are so wrapped into their own pain that consideration for others is nearly non-existent. If we really thought about it, does it make much sense to try to get that person to think about the pain he or she is going to cause us? As my young friend pointed out, “that just adds to their stress.” Personally, I would go so far as to say that statements like this trivialize the pain. It’s akin to saying, “Ha! You think you’ve got it bad? The pain you have is nothing compared to the pain I will have if you take your own life.”

Understand, I am not minimizing the pain we feel when someone we care deeply for completes a suicide. I have experienced that pain.

I am, however, deeply committed to the truth that we need to set our own potential pain aside if we want to be truly helpful to a human who is, almost literally, at the end of his or her rope.

We are probably motivated by what we teach in the workshop as the first step in an intervention with someone who may be suicidal. “Show you care.” But there are far more positive ways to do that than announcing how much we are going to suffer if the person chooses to end his or her life. For starters, we might try saying “I care what happens to you…”

Hanging up signs is not a bad thing. Some bridges have signs with the hotline number and phones with a direct connection. That’s demonstrating care because it encourages connection.

Human connection can seem complicated and difficult but it can be simple. It might start with a smile followed by genuine interest and some basic questions like “Are you okay?” If there’s any magic involved, it’s that we create the best human connections when we are genuinely interested in the other person.

My young workshop participant didn’t really talk about how much pain the issue of suicide caused her. She asked to attend so she would know how to help people. She had the courage to “role play” with me while I pretended to be suicidal.

I’ve written previously how, after every one of these workshops, I say to myself, “We have likely saved a life tonight.” I truly believe that. But I didn’t say exactly that after this most recent workshop. This time I said to myself, “That girl is going to save a life someday–probably more than one.”

Are you ready to do the same?

Big Hearts, Causes and Friends, Maine Life, Small People

Happy Flowers, Angry Trees

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One of the kids at school was having, by her own admission, a challenging and frustrating day last week. She shared with me a somewhat amusing but also very effective coping mechanism that involved “centering” herself with a mantra announcing she was a happy flower and not an angry tree. This was accompanied by appropriate hand signals that mocked a blossoming flower.  I love that she recognizes she has the power of choice.

I’ve also come to truly love her analogy and metaphor. I’d like to use it to share some thoughts regarding the recent tragedy resulting in the loss of Corporal Cole’s life.

Let me first assure you, that incident turned me into a bit of angry tree as it did so many.  You do not have to spend much time on Facebook to realize that anger and frustration were common emotions. One of the things we “like” about social media is the feeling of “shared emotions.”

You also do not have to spend much time on Facebook to be somewhat frightened by the depth of those emotions–some bordering on pure rage. I am both surprised and not surprised at some of the suggestions being posted, many seeking revenge. There are many angry trees with roots that run deep and, in some cases, border on violent in and of themselves.

As someone who works with kids a lot, I am troubled by the example we often set on social media.  When I read some of the comments regarding what should happen to John Williams, the alleged killer of Corporal Cole, I find myself wondering if these people and their comments truly represent the society we live in and, more importantly, the society we hope our kids will create.

But then  I stumble on to a post by a Mom I know in a different part of the state. She announces that she and her daughter are headed to the local police station with a note written by her daughter and some accompanying “treats.” Since it was posted publicly I’ve taken the liberty of sharing the note after “erasing” Delaney’s last name–I’m a bit OCD about confidentiality where kids are concerned.

She is, I think, going to create–maybe already is creating–the sort of society I would like to be part of, one with lots of “happy” flowers.

How about you?

Communication, Mental Hygiene

Expanding Our Worlds

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The song suggests, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” and even provides some reasons. “With holiday greetings and gay happy meetings… when friends come to call….”

I’ve found this to be true and almost unconsciously allow more time when I “run into town for a few errands” this time of year. For one thing,  there are more people around doing likewise. For another, most–even though busy–are feeling a bit festive and anxious to get and give a handshake, a hug, and a hearty hello.

“There’ll be much mistletoe-ing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near…” Well, given the current political environment we may choose to suppress the “mistletoe-ing,” but our hearts do glow when loved ones are near. Much like plugging in the lights on the tree, we seem to get more connected this time of year. That’s a good thing.

But I recently ran into a sobering statistic. A public health survey conducted in 1980 showed that 20% of the people surveyed described themselves as “lonely.” The survey was recently repeated and 40% of the respondents described themselves as “lonely.” So in spite of technology and social media, there’s been a doubling of “loneliness.” How can that be when we live in such an expanded world?

There are those suggesting we are actually losing the ability to connect in a nurturing, meaningful way. There are, it seems, some interesting social trends that deserve our attention. Consider a few:

  • online shopping–it’s now possible to do all of our holiday shopping without contact with a human being. Yes, it can be quite efficient and cost-effective. But it also means we don’t “rub elbows” with others… share frustrations, ask others opinions or just occasionally allow someone to go ahead of us in the check out line because they have only one item.
  • celebrating occasions–I recently discovered the death of a friend by reading a Facebook Post. There will be no services, but I am invited to post my condolences online in a “memory book.” I find myself wishing I could hug some of the people he has left behind. And, while we weren’t really close, I wouldn’t mind getting a hug back. I liked him and will miss him.
  • distracted everything–most people acknowledge the hazards of texting and driving (but do it anyway). But what about distracted visits? Another friend posted a funny-but-not Christmas Photo on Facebook. She and her entire family are sitting on a comfy couch, looking very festive, the obligatory Christmas tree in the background. The caption was something like “A (last name) Family Christmas.” Of course, every member of the family is not looking at the camera… they are looking at their cell phone screens.

Technology has, in one sense, expanded our worlds but with it comes the danger we actually become more isolated. Social media is about big numbers–big numbers of friends and frequent contact. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it’s not very nourishing and nurturing.

Maybe instead of sending emojis and stickers, we make this a wonderful time of the year with some connections that include a warm touch and a look in the eye. It’s a wonderful time of the year to delve into our humanity in addition to our technology.