Tag Archives: thinking

Causes and Friends, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth, Small People, Teaching

A Different Sort of Vigilance?

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johnhain / Pixabay

I hesitate to bring up the recent school shooting in Florida, but a reality exists—this incident seems to have impacted many people, including, I confess me.

In our search for ways to protect our children, we not only have to guard against extremism and hysteria, we have to protect our children (and ourselves) from the emotional damage that often accompanies tragedies and trauma. It is perhaps, a different sort of vigilance, but is just as important.

We may be thousands of miles removed physically from this event but that does not mean we are not hurt and harmed. Children may especially have difficulty realizing and expressing those impacts. Watch for behavior changes. Take news breaks and social media breaks to avoid constant exposure to both your children and yourself.  Look for the helpers and the rainbows and remember to laugh.

I have been adding and expanding resources on my ” website— and for resources that help address tragedy, trauma, and grief. I have talked with too many students and teachers who are finding themselves struggling to cope with this latest incident. Please keep your eyes and ears open and do not hesitate to “reach out” to anyone who seems to be grappling, stressed or acting differently. I recently dealt with a child who had an unexplained panic attack. I can’t help but wonder about the causes…

If you find yourself having difficulty initiating a conversation, watch this one minute video, “.” If you need to help someone–or think you need help yourself, reach out and connect. It’s important.

Personal Growth

How’s Christmas Going for You?

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At our elementary school’s Holiday Concert, one kindergartener was completely dressed in a Santa Suit! I couldn’t resist looking totally shocked and saying to him, “Omigosh, I didn’t realize Santa was going to be here!”

He smiled at me, placed his hands on his little padded belly and said quite seriously, “Mr. Boomsma, what would you like for Christmas?” A few hours later I realized how important his question was.

I was at a different event and was introduced to a Christmas Song I’d never heard before. I’m not sure how I missed this song–it was written in 1974 by Greg Lake as a protest against the commercialization of Christmas. The song has an interesting history, but it has an even more interesting closing line:

“We get the Christmas we deserve…”

That’s something to think about. We are, unfortunately, a culture of fault-finders and that makes us often feel victimized. We complain about how commercial Christmas has become… object to the costs and the endless attempts at political correctness. We remember fondly the Christmases of yesteryear and whine, “It’s not like it used to be.”

Lake wrote the song in part because, as he described it, “Christmas was a time of family warmth and love. There was a feeling of forgiveness, acceptance.  And I do believe in Father Christmas.”

So maybe we need to focus on what we believe in and then ask ourselves “What am I contributing to the season and what do I want from it?” Once we’ve wrapped our heads (and hearts) around that we can create the activities that contribute to that meaning and focus on those. What do you want for Christmas? How are you going to get it?

Christmas isn’t something that happens to us.  We get the Christmas we deserve.

You can learn more about the interesting history of this tune on Wikipedia. 

Communication, Mental Hygiene

Expanding Our Worlds

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The song suggests, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” and even provides some reasons. “With holiday greetings and gay happy meetings… when friends come to call….”

I’ve found this to be true and almost unconsciously allow more time when I “run into town for a few errands” this time of year. For one thing,  there are more people around doing likewise. For another, most–even though busy–are feeling a bit festive and anxious to get and give a handshake, a hug, and a hearty hello.

“There’ll be much mistletoe-ing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near…” Well, given the current political environment we may choose to suppress the “mistletoe-ing,” but our hearts do glow when loved ones are near. Much like plugging in the lights on the tree, we seem to get more connected this time of year. That’s a good thing.

But I recently ran into a sobering statistic. A public health survey conducted in 1980 showed that 20% of the people surveyed described themselves as “lonely.” The survey was recently repeated and 40% of the respondents described themselves as “lonely.” So in spite of technology and social media, there’s been a doubling of “loneliness.” How can that be when we live in such an expanded world?

There are those suggesting we are actually losing the ability to connect in a nurturing, meaningful way. There are, it seems, some interesting social trends that deserve our attention. Consider a few:

  • online shopping–it’s now possible to do all of our holiday shopping without contact with a human being. Yes, it can be quite efficient and cost-effective. But it also means we don’t “rub elbows” with others… share frustrations, ask others opinions or just occasionally allow someone to go ahead of us in the check out line because they have only one item.
  • celebrating occasions–I recently discovered the death of a friend by reading a Facebook Post. There will be no services, but I am invited to post my condolences online in a “memory book.” I find myself wishing I could hug some of the people he has left behind. And, while we weren’t really close, I wouldn’t mind getting a hug back. I liked him and will miss him.
  • distracted everything–most people acknowledge the hazards of texting and driving (but do it anyway). But what about distracted visits? Another friend posted a funny-but-not Christmas Photo on Facebook. She and her entire family are sitting on a comfy couch, looking very festive, the obligatory Christmas tree in the background. The caption was something like “A (last name) Family Christmas.” Of course, every member of the family is not looking at the camera… they are looking at their cell phone screens.

Technology has, in one sense, expanded our worlds but with it comes the danger we actually become more isolated. Social media is about big numbers–big numbers of friends and frequent contact. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it’s not very nourishing and nurturing.

Maybe instead of sending emojis and stickers, we make this a wonderful time of the year with some connections that include a warm touch and a look in the eye. It’s a wonderful time of the year to delve into our humanity in addition to our technology.