Tag Archives: life

Thanks, Kids!

I learn a lot from kids. And occasionally they remind me of important truths.

Last week I was in a kindergarten class. I always have fun introducing myself with the age appropriate explanation that there are two sounds, two syllables in my last name. The kids seem to enjoy blending the sounds to arrive at something approximating “Mr. Boomsma.” My activity with these little ones was to create a graph of the class’s favorite farm animal, so I also explained that I would be calling them up one at a time to select their favorite animal so we could glue its picture on the developing graph poster.

One little girl raised her hand high and, when I called on her, asked, “When we come up to do that, may we tell you our names?”

The very next day I attended a middle school science fair, primarily to take photographs. I know most of the kids and they know me. I was scanning the room for photo ops when a student walked over, stood beside me and said, “How are you, Mr. Boomsma?” Normally I have a happy snappy comeback like “If I were any better I’d have to be twins,” but for some reason I only said, “I’m okay.”

Perhaps because the answer was out of character she asked, “What’s wrong?” I briefly debated changing the answer to something more positive. But decided to be honest and share that I have been having some trouble with a pinched nerve that’s causing some trouble with my right arm and hand. She expressed genuine concern and encouragement. I was, to be honest, surprised. She’s not seemed to me to be overly compassionate. Now I realize that might have been because I haven’t given her the opportunity.

Those two incidents have something in common. They both demonstrate the fact that kids of all ages desire and need human connection. I fear too often we deny them the opportunity because we forget they are little human beings, not simply kids.

That kindergartener wanted me to know her and her classmates by name. It was a noble gesture on her part and perhaps a bit of a failure on my part. (In my defense we were pressed for time, but I still feel like I failed a little. They were sitting around me on the rug, so I couldn’t see the name tags on their desks.)

The middle schooler and I knew each other; it wasn’t about names but it was about connecting. I learned a long time ago not to read too much into kids’ behavior, but our encounter was out of character for both of us and did make me think. I am rarely less than happy and good when with students. She has not, historically expressed much interest in my well-being.

The simple truth is we connected in a way that was not usual. It matters far less why than the fact that it did. I certainly am not going to analyze it and remove the joy from it.

I am going to let these incidents serve as a reminder to view humans, regardless of size and age, as humans. We need to be interested in each other. We need to connect with each other.

Human connection doesn’t have to be hard or complex. It could just be wanting to know the other person’s name. In kindergarten it meant listening enthusiastically to a young fellow who insisted he has 6,000 horses and he rides each one every day. (I whispered to the teacher, “I’ll bet you’ve told him a billion times not to exaggerate!”) He gets a lot of points for excitement and enthusiasm. Accuracy is not so critical to the explanation of how much he likes horses.

Human connection could also just be about being interested in how another person is feeling. And, while I don’t recommend we answer with a detailed description of our many health woes, we might choose to put some thought and honesty into our replies.

Some of my favorite conversations with kids are the brief ones, walking through the halls. I’ll try to keep pace with someone and ask how the day is going or for something learned that day. Sometimes I’ll just ask, “Are you okay?” if they seem troubled. I’m not always prepared for the answers, but I try to remember it’s mostly about listening and connecting.

Kids are, I think, better at connecting than adults partly because they haven’t developed as many filters and while often prone to exaggeration, they generally are honest. I recall one conversation with a youngster whose rabbit had died. I mustered up my best empathy until he explained, “No problem. We’re getting a new one tomorrow.” If he’d been a little older I’d have suggested he consider teaching grief management. I suspect we might learn something from him.

Be open and willing to kids and adults. Don’t think of it as trying to be helpful, although that may be one of the results. Think of it as being interested and truly concerned. And that kid may be more interested in you than you realize. We are more alike than different. Why not share those alikes?

Show ‘N Tell Becomes Show ‘N Share…

While working at school recently, I dropped by a classroom to pick up a couple of students for an activity. The class was finishing up a “Show ‘N Share,” so I had an opportunity to learn a few things about a contemporary toy and a somewhat bedraggled teddy bear.

For history and trivia buffs, Show ‘N Tell began as a toy combination record player and filmstrip viewer manufactured by General Electric in the mid-1960s. It was pretty high-tech stuff then.

Somehow, the concept has morphed over the years into what might be more accurately described as “Show ‘N Share.” For the educationally minded,  the activity meets the English Language Arts standards in Kindergarten and primary grades.

A not-so-subtle difference is that kids are actively learning more about the item instead of passively watching and listening. One of the things I particularly enjoyed and admired was watching the teacher facilitate the discussion. He was truly interested in the items and asked questions that demonstrated his interest.

A recent Trainer’s Warehouse Blog post made an interesting comparison between gossiping and asking questions. One suggestion was that gossiping is about bonding and it’s easier to bond by offering information than it is to ask questions. When we have a good gossip about someone or something, all we usually do is agree with each other and reinforce what we already believe.

But good questions can be much more effective when we are trying to establish a human connection.  For the few minutes I was part of the Show ‘N Share, I noticed the teacher used different types of questions. Most people are familiar with the difference between “closed-ended” questions (can be answered yes or no) and “open-ended” questions that require more information.  The teacher was asking both, but also varying between reflective questions (that make people think) and probing questions that cause the answerer to go deeper and provide more information. He didn’t use a lot of leading questions (that actually suggest the desired answer).

I’ve provided a stock photo of a teddy bear with this article for those wanting to develop their questioning skills. If a child brought it to Show N Share, what sorts of questions would you ask? An obvious one (probing question) is, “Why is he wearing a band-aid?” I might start with “Does he have a name?” (closed-ended) in an attempt to “get to know” who we’re talking about.

Show N Share is really about communication and conversation. We don’t always have a prop in conversation, but we do have a subject.

Some of the kids get really excited waiting for their turn to “show.” But we are also learning this is not just about showing and telling. Steven Covey once observed, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” I think he’s right. But if we understand Show ‘N Share, maybe we realize our reply might best be a good question.

A Great Investment: Four Minutes

Are the parent grandparent or friend of a teenager? I would be willing to beg you to spend just four minutes watching this video.

 It’s a good investment–about the same amount of time it takes to listen to your favorite song or watch commercials during a television program. The difference is, in the case, your investment could save a life.

Remember there are more resources available on this website: . The number given at the end of the video is for the National Suicide Hotline. If you would like a free magnet listing the Maine HotLine and National Crisis Text line, send me your snail mail address.

Also, check the… I will be teaching two free Suicide Awareness and Prevention Workshops in Guilford–one on April 24, 2018, and one on June 5, 2018. Let’s save our kids.

How’s Christmas Going for You?

At our elementary school’s Holiday Concert, one kindergartener was completely dressed in a Santa Suit! I couldn’t resist looking totally shocked and saying to him, “Omigosh, I didn’t realize Santa was going to be here!”

He smiled at me, placed his hands on his little padded belly and said quite seriously, “Mr. Boomsma, what would you like for Christmas?” A few hours later I realized how important his question was.

I was at a different event and was introduced to a Christmas Song I’d never heard before. I’m not sure how I missed this song–it was written in 1974 by Greg Lake as a protest against the commercialization of Christmas. The song has an interesting history, but it has an even more interesting closing line:

“We get the Christmas we deserve…”

That’s something to think about. We are, unfortunately, a culture of fault-finders and that makes us often feel victimized. We complain about how commercial Christmas has become… object to the costs and the endless attempts at political correctness. We remember fondly the Christmases of yesteryear and whine, “It’s not like it used to be.”

Lake wrote the song in part because, as he described it, “Christmas was a time of family warmth and love. There was a feeling of forgiveness, acceptance.  And I do believe in Father Christmas.”

So maybe we need to focus on what we believe in and then ask ourselves “What am I contributing to the season and what do I want from it?” Once we’ve wrapped our heads (and hearts) around that we can create the activities that contribute to that meaning and focus on those. What do you want for Christmas? How are you going to get it?

Christmas isn’t something that happens to us.  We get the Christmas we deserve.

You can learn more about the interesting history of this tune on Wikipedia.