Category Archives: Mental Health

Bullying, Classes and Courses, Learning, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth, Small People, Substitute Teaching, Teaching

Was the Big Bad Wolf Bad?

November 24, 2021 Walter Leave a comment

Sometimes I do suspect the planets align or karma does, in fact, exist. A recent conversation with an old high school chum ended with her announcing she was going to take her dog for an evening walk He is a bit territorial and was anxious to see if Mr. Fox was trespassing. She thought it might not end well.

This triggered a memory that was quickly followed by a seemingly unrelated quote posted on social media.

The memory was of a fun day substitute teaching “language arts” in a sixth-grade class. The assignment was to group read a book together and discuss it. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the title of the book. I’ve since found several versions based on the three little pigs, but this one was written about the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. It forced us to re-consider the tale from the wolf’s point of view. He narrated the story from his perspective with a plea for understanding.

We had a very intense and engaged discussion after finishing the book. The kids explored the wolf’s perspective with many admitting there were some things they hadn’t considered before. There were some friendly arguments, a few “hadn’t thought about that,” and 100% participation. (The objective of the activity was to encourage creative thinking and explore alternative viewpoints.)

After discussion, I decided to take a class vote. The question was, “How many of you now feel somewhat sorry for the wolf?” I don’t remember how many kids there were… probably around twenty. But I do remember the results of the vote.

One brave boy raised his hand indicating he thought differently about the wolf after reading the story and discussing it. The rest looked at him with what can best be described as incredulity and disbelief. Before concluding the activity was a failure, let me quickly add that no one attacked him or called him stupid. They understood he simply had a different viewpoint or perspective. They didn’t try to bully him into changing his mind. Another successful lesson.

But why did only one person change his perspective? I think the answer to that lies in this quote.

“The reason so many people misunderstand so many issues is not that these issues are so complex, but that people do not want a factual or analytical explanation that leaves them emotionally unsatisfied. They want villains to hate and heroes to cheer—and they don’t want explanations that fail to give them that.”
Thomas Soweit

Most of those kids simply did not want to give up the villain they had known since that story was read to them when they were little–he IS the big BAD wolf–that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! And I guess that’s okay because at least they had figured out that their classmate who thought differently wasn’t stupid. Some actually admitted they could see things differently but they just couldn’t change their opinion.

If the kids can get it, why do we adults have so much trouble?

Learning, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Substitute Teaching, Teaching

Don’t just sit there! Write!

September 5, 2021 Walter Leave a comment

If you write something, that makes you a writer, right? One day while substitute teaching “language arts,” a sixth-grader objected to the activity by claiming, “I am not a writer.” I walked to her desk and instructed her to open her writing journal to a blank page. “Now write the sentence ‘I am not a writer.'” After she followed my instruction I said, “So now you are a writer because you just wrote something.”

She gave me that “you’ve got to be kidding” look that pre-teens develop to perfection. My next prompt was “Now write another sentence telling me why you’re not a writer.” It took a few return visits to her desk to get her pencil moving in part because she wanted to prove me wrong. Plus it would have been more fun to stare off into space thoughtfully. But that wouldn’t be writing. After a couple of visits and sentences, her pencil seemed to develop a mind of its own. As I recall, she wrote an impassioned piece about how much she hated writing.I still wonder if she saw the irony.

A recent blog post by Seth Godin suggests “There is no such thing as writer’s block.” That set me to thinking big time, particularly since I love the opportunity to get kids writing. They learn all to quickly to claim they have “writer’s block.” I’m not too sympathetic.

Merriam Webster defines writer’s block as a “psychological inhibition.” For those of us who love language and words, there’s an opportunity here. “You don’t have writer’s block! You have a psychological inhibition!”

You have to love how serious that sounds.

But the good news is you can be your own therapist. If that weren’t the case, I’d open a posh retreat center with in-depth programs and support programs for “writers who are suffering from psychological inhibitions.” Attending would be very expensive.

Do enough bad writing and some good writing is bound to show up.
Seth Godin

Isn’t that comforting? We can enjoy our writer’s block by making it a serious psychological inhibition. It won’t take much “googling” to discover a long list of reasons and explanations for those dreaded issues.

Or we can write. Yes, it might be bad writing at first, but you can’t improve on a blank page. Well, that’s not 100% true. You improve on a blank page by getting words on it.

No thinking – that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is… to write, not to think!
Finding Forrester

That is one of the most freeing bits of advice I’ve ever seen about writing. No, writing isn’t always easy. But it can be simple.

Write. Just write.

Causes and Friends, Learning, Maine Life, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

You have been warned!

February 24, 2021 Walter Leave a comment

I’m near my breaking point. I think if I hear or read one more time “Out of an abundance of caution…” I’m going to scream.

Before you jump on me for being reckless, please note that I am only suggesting a minor change in wording. See if you can guess which word.

First, let’s talk about risk management–a somewhat forgotten concept when it comes to COVID-19 and the pandemic. It’s not a difficult concept. We do it almost instinctively and constantly. It’s a somewhat intuitive skill. For example, I will be going to the store later today. I’m quite certain that the trip will involve some hazards. A few come to mind. I could:

Have a car accident on the way to and from the store–most accidents occur close to home.
Slip and fall in the parking lot–it snowed yesterday and there will be snow and ice.
Have a piece of an aircraft engine fall from the sky and land on me–it happened recently somewhere.
Be shot by someone robbing the store–or suffer at the hand of someone who is angry over something.

So, come to think of it, maybe out of an abundance of caution I’ll just stay home. I haven’t yet factored in the risk of catching COVID-19 or some other disease. I did that intentionally to point out that we used to be reasonably skilled at risk management.

We knew that every decision we made and every action we took carried with it some degree of risk. So we drove carefully on the way to the store, knowing full well that an accident was still possible. We walked carefully through the ice and snow and realized that that the odds of a piece of an aircraft engine hitting us were fairly small. And maybe we trusted our instincts would keep us safe if we encountered violence.

That’s called “exercising appropriate caution.” I should perhaps add that we didn’t start “googling” and looking for data to see what the odds were of a car accident or falling on the ice. We trusted ourselves to make reasonably good decisions.

COVID-19 seems to have changed all that. Now we are making nearly all our decisions out of “an abundance of caution.”

When I hear that statement, I also hear the unspoken words, “If I act out of an abundance of caution, at least I won’t get blamed if something goes wrong.”

That’s an interesting perspective.

We can always reduce risk. But when we focus on reducing one risk, we will increase other risks. What happens if I don’t go to the store? At some point, we might do well to ask ourselves whether or not we are letting fear become the driving factor in our decisions. I recently heard someone bemoan that he hadn’t seen or hugged his grandchildren in a year. I wanted to ask, “Why?” but my own fear prevented it. I was afraid the answer would be “Out of an abundance of caution…” The abundance of caution is preventing consideration of how he might safely visit and hug his grandchildren.

An added concern is that it’s easy to get addicted to the safety of not taking risks. I’ve noticed it creeping in when I find myself writing and speaking more tentatively. At some purely academic level, it’s interesting. At a daily living level, it’s frightening.

Abundant caution is wasteful. One very practical example is that it creates the shortages we’ve experienced. An abundance of caution means you’d better have at least a two-year supply of toilet paper hidden in a closet somewhere. It’s a fear-driven decision. As I told the cashier who apologized when they ran out, “I’m fairly sure I can figure out some way to wipe my butt if we run out.” She laughed and agreed, “Now that I think I about it.”

Abundant caution also makes it easy to not do anything. Human beings were not built to “not do anything.” I genuinely appreciated a recent conversation with a good friend when he forced me to tell him what I am doing during these uncertain times.

So this is a plea for appropriate caution. In the midst of this pandemic, appropriate caution is necessary for each of us as individuals and for our communities. There’s room for some differences of opinion on what is appropriate, certainly, but we’ll connect and move forward when we understand and accept that some risk is necessary. Staying healthy is about a lot more than “not catching COVID-19.” What are you doing during these uncertain times?

Causes and Friends, Communication, Just for Fun, Learning, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

Happy New…?

December 31, 2020 Walter 1 Comment

My favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables expresses one of Anne’s important discoveries.

“Every day is a new day with no mistakes in it.”
Anne Shirley

If we are kindred spirits, dare we say the same of every year?

“Every year is a new year with no mistakes in it!”
Walter Boomsma

I suspect that some have already added “yet” to my version of the quote. Rationalizing that I’m a realist, I was tempted myself. After all, when we look ahead, we also tend to look backward too. As one year ends and another begins, media outlets will write “the year in review,” and some will sing “Auld Lange Syne,” perhaps without pausing to wonder who or what it means. (It’s Scottish in origin, suggesting “let’s drink to days gone by…,” certainly an appropriate toast for the beginning of a new year. )

Now I don’t mean to mix drinking and driving but I would call your attention to the fact that rearview mirrors are a lot smaller than windshields. That says something about perspective. Where should we focus?

Taken to another extreme, I’d offer another favorite quote–I heard it years ago in a presentation by Joel Weldon, a highly respected motivational speaker best known for his “Success Comes in Cans” presentations.

“Jet pilots don’t use rearview mirrors.”
Joel Weldon

The truth is ultimately somewhere in both the past and the present. The world won’t magically change when the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve. I’ve long ago given up waiting for that magical moment with party hats, noisemakers, champagne, off-key singing, hugging, and kissing.

Thanks to COVID-19, there definitely won’t be much hugging and kissing this year. I understand singing is also not recommended.

The challenge with using a rearview mirror is that it’s easy to fall into a “subtractive” mindset, romanticizing what was and what we miss. Almost without realizing it, we forget about the windshield. If you can stand another quote–this one not so famous–I’ll share the background first. It’s from an old television program. A distraught man was sharing his feelings with his therapist while pacing around the room. He happened to stop in front of the window.

“I just realized what my problem is… I’ve been looking in the mirror when I should have been looking out the window.”
Anonymous Mental Health Patient

So I’m not going to ask you about your resolutions–that’s looking out the windshield. I’m not going to ask you what was the best thing that happened to you–that’s looking in the rearview mirror. I won’t even wish you a happy new year.

I will ask you to do this. Remember that life is not just about where you’ve been or where you’re going. It’s not just about what’s happened to you or what’s going to happen to you. Life is about being and this year, with its uncertainties and unknowns, “being” is what life is about.

Celebrate that!

Causes and Friends, Communication, Mental Health, Teaching

Good Job!

December 18, 2020 Walter Leave a comment

Can you stand another song?! This one truly needs to go viral.

We certainly need to be saying “good job” to first responders, health care professionals, firefighters, teachers… but there are lots of people doing a “good job” when, as the song says, the job is defined as caring, listening, and connecting.

The song comes with a tissue alert and a suggestion that you consider creating a ritual of watching it every morning.

And that’ll help you remember that you matter and you may be someone’s hero. You matter.

There are probably a lot of people who should hear “Good Job” from you! Just telling them that may make you their hero. We matter to each other, now more than ever.