Tag Archives: life

The Awkward Moment

We all have them; we all encounter them. If you attend one of my Suicide Awareness Programs, you’ll learn that one of my favorite questions is “Are you okay?” This four-minute video provides some insights into what can happen when the answer is “No.”

While the video does, in the end, encourage Mental Health First Aid training, I think it also makes the point that it’s not necessary to be a professional to be helpful. It’s mostly about listening, caring, and asking questions.

One “awkward” conversation I remember took place with someone I only knew casually. She just didn’t seem to be acting right, so I asked the question, “Are you okay?” She replied that she was not; she had just been diagnosed with stage four cancer. I asked her to tell me more and it was as though a floodgate had been opened. I said very little, acknowledging what she was saying and asking an occasional question.

Suddenly, she stopped–almost mid-sentence and said, “Most people don’t like talking about this.” I replied that it was not news I enjoyed hearing but that it seemed to me we needed to talk about it.” (Perhaps more accurately, she needed to talk about it.) We talked for about an hour about her feelings and plans. I really didn’t say much.

My point in telling the story is that “mental health” doesn’t mean crazy nor are conversations always going to be about suicide and depression. Sometimes it’s just about being a person and living with life challenges. We really can do a better job of helping each other, if only by listening, caring, and asking questions.

If you are interested in Mental Health First Aid training, you can click here for more information or let me know–I’ll be happy to help you locate a course.

Memorial Day, 2018

I’ll wait for the sun to come up before hanging out the flag, a personal tradition that marks the beginning of another Memorial Day.  Being a bit of a nostalgic person, it does not escape me that the name of this day is about “serving to preserve remembrance.” In that sense,  this day and the events it includes serve an important purpose and, serves important audiences.

Those with a need for precision point out that in the truest sense, Memorial Day is meant to remember and honor those who died while serving their county, whereas Veterans’ Day is meant to honor those who served but are still alive. I have no need for this precision because I’m sure we can never honor either group too much.

But I do think it’s important that we remember that Memorial Day serves us, the living, in addition to honoring those who gave all. We should be reminded that there are times when we may be called to give value to something greater than life itself. It is a sobering thought. What would I willing to die for?

Today we honor hundreds of thousands who answered that question and placed a higher value on something other than their own lives. When we see those stones with flags in front of them we can and should feel some sadness. But we should also celebrate the choices each of them made. The reasons may have been different for each but the reality is something became more important than staying alive.

We are all given the ability to make that choice, not all of us will have the opportunity.

For me, today has always been a day of both sadness and joy. I am sad that many gave their lives for something bigger than life itself. And yet I am grateful–happy is too strong a word–that so many have done so willingly.

When someone rushes into a burning building to save occupants… when a teacher places himself between a shooter and his students… there is cause to celebrate our humanity.  And whenever we put the needs of others above our own, we are demonstrating and celebrating our humanity. It can start small. Letting someone else go first through the intersection or ahead of us in the line at the grocery store just might be, at some level, heroic even though you don’t have to die to do it.

 

Sing It, Grandma Etta!

I had the good fortune to be a nearly (several houses away) neighbor to Etta for a few years prior to moving to Maine. We remain in touch, sharing memories, stories, thoughts, and inspirations. (She says she keeps my book on her table–how can I not love her!?)

One of our funnier stories is how we shared a dog named Jake. He was officially her dog, but would often come calling, follow me around while I worked in the yard, and occasionally do “sleep-overs.” I’ve said, “Jake was the best dog I never really had.” It was quite a while before we learned what Jake had been up to and who he actually belonged to. The truth was revealed the day Etta and her granddaughter came to the house and Jake answered the door with me. Granddaughter exclaimed, “Hey, that’s our dog!”

Her most recent letter began, “Can you believe?! I am still here at 94–awesome!”

That’s not difficult to believe–Etta’s always been a bit like the Energizer Bunny… she keeps going and going. She self-describes herself as ADHD “before they had a name for it”… and admits that her physical body has slipped a bit, but her spirit has not aged one bit. Her letter included an energetic rundown of “where that spirt has moved me in the past four years.”

You really should meet her and see what she’s been up to, starting at 90 years old. YouTube makes that possible. I’m quite sure you’re allowed to call her “Gramma Etta” and will enjoy the mission she and her family have undertaken. Etta answers the question, “Can one person make a difference?”

Click here for Sing GBA Website

By the way… if you see or talk to  Etta, let her know that Valley Grange sang God Bless America at our Community Night Celebration on May 18, 2018.

Happy Flowers, Angry Trees

One of the kids at school was having, by her own admission, a challenging and frustrating day last week. She shared with me a somewhat amusing but also very effective coping mechanism that involved “centering” herself with a mantra announcing she was a happy flower and not an angry tree. This was accompanied by appropriate hand signals that mocked a blossoming flower.  I love that she recognizes she has the power of choice.

I’ve also come to truly love her analogy and metaphor. I’d like to use it to share some thoughts regarding the recent tragedy resulting in the loss of Corporal Cole’s life.

Let me first assure you, that incident turned me into a bit of angry tree as it did so many.  You do not have to spend much time on Facebook to realize that anger and frustration were common emotions. One of the things we “like” about social media is the feeling of “shared emotions.”

You also do not have to spend much time on Facebook to be somewhat frightened by the depth of those emotions–some bordering on pure rage. I am both surprised and not surprised at some of the suggestions being posted, many seeking revenge. There are many angry trees with roots that run deep and, in some cases, border on violent in and of themselves.

As someone who works with kids a lot, I am troubled by the example we often set on social media.  When I read some of the comments regarding what should happen to John Williams, the alleged killer of Corporal Cole, I find myself wondering if these people and their comments truly represent the society we live in and, more importantly, the society we hope our kids will create.

But then  I stumble on to a post by a Mom I know in a different part of the state. She announces that she and her daughter are headed to the local police station with a note written by her daughter and some accompanying “treats.” Since it was posted publicly I’ve taken the liberty of sharing the note after “erasing” Delaney’s last name–I’m a bit OCD about confidentiality where kids are concerned.

She is, I think, going to create–maybe already is creating–the sort of society I would like to be part of, one with lots of “happy” flowers.

How about you?

13 Reasons Why, Season Two…

There’s plenty of uncertainty about it but NetFlix appears to be planning a release of Season Two of the 13 Reasons Why series soon. As a result, it’s likely some teens and young adults will be rewatching season one–or possibly even watching it for the first time.

While this book and the resulting series need not be feared, those of us who are actively promoting suicide awareness and prevention are at least mildly disturbed that 13RW might seem to glorify suicide and, to quote an article written by a psychiatrist for the JED Foundation, “The suicide is graphically depicted, the young woman who dies is memorialized in unhelpful ways, the suicide seemingly results directly from the misdeeds perpetrated against her by others and Hannah is portrayed as a long suffering victim who, by her death, is taking vengeance on those who have wronged her.”

I’ve read the book. It’s not exactly an uplifting story.

However, knowledge is power. The consensus is that younger teens should not watch the show alone, although that may be unpreventable. It’s most important to be prepared to talk about the story and suicide.  For every “Hannah Story” there are other stories with different choices and happier endings.

One of the values of 13RW may be the dialog it creates and the opportunity to consider how we help one another through life. I’ve devoted a .  Several parents have told me they found the 13RW Talking points particularly helpful and have used them to have conversations with their children. There are also resources for teachers and school counselors.

If nothing else, please read the brief overview and specific recommendations published by the JED Foundation.

The message most missed by 13RW is that help is available. If you have any specific questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me.  And do not hesitate to contact a hotline/lifeline.

PS… I will be teaching a at the Guilford United Methodist Church on Tuesday, April 24, 2018. All are welcome!