We all have them; we all encounter them. If you attend one of my Suicide Awareness Programs, you’ll learn that one of my favorite questions is “Are you okay?” This four-minute video provides some insights into what can happen when the answer is “No.”
While the video does, in the end, encourage Mental Health First Aid training, I think it also makes the point that it’s not necessary to be a professional to be helpful. It’s mostly about listening, caring, and asking questions.
One “awkward” conversation I remember took place with someone I only knew casually. She just didn’t seem to be acting right, so I asked the question, “Are you okay?” She replied that she was not; she had just been diagnosed with stage four cancer. I asked her to tell me more and it was as though a floodgate had been opened. I said very little, acknowledging what she was saying and asking an occasional question.
Suddenly, she stopped–almost mid-sentence and said, “Most people don’t like talking about this.” I replied that it was not news I enjoyed hearing but that it seemed to me we needed to talk about it.” (Perhaps more accurately, she needed to talk about it.) We talked for about an hour about her feelings and plans. I really didn’t say much.
My point in telling the story is that “mental health” doesn’t mean crazy nor are conversations always going to be about suicide and depression. Sometimes it’s just about being a person and living with life challenges. We really can do a better job of helping each other, if only by listening, caring, and asking questions.
If you are interested in Mental Health First Aid training, you can click here for more information or let me know–I’ll be happy to help you locate a course.
Memorial Day–a day that triggers different thoughts and feelings. Also, a day that, hopefully, gives us pause and at least some moments of reflection. For a while this year, I thought an added feature would be a day of argument.
There are some folks who want to clarify the purposes of holidays–they are most noticeable on social media, often posted as a meme (a virally-transmitted cultural symbol or social idea). I saw one this morning suggesting we should understand there are three related holidays:
Armed Forces Day (third Saturday in May) to pay tribute to those serving.
Memorial Day (fourth Monday in May) to pay tribute to who died in active military service.
Veterans’ Day (November 11) to pay tribute to those have served in the Armed Forces.
So it becomes arguable that there are three different days for three different populations. And the minute something becomes arguable, folks on Facebook are on it.
I value accuracy, but I’m not joining the debate.
I heard a conversation during which one person pointed out that Memorial Day was not a day to thank those currently serving. His listener replied, “Is it possible to thank those who have served or are serving too much?”
I don’t think so.
As a child, I remember visiting my Grandfather’s grave with my Dad this time of year. There were actually several trips involved as the flag holder was cleaned and painted, the stone cleaned, flowers planted… and we were often not alone as others performed similar tasks in anticipation of parades and visits to honor and remember. No one pointed out that Grandfather did not die in active military service and then suggest it was not appropriate to honor him on Memorial Day. I’m not sure if it was because the memories were fresher or because we just didn’t argue so much back then.
George Patton said, “It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.” Perhaps that is where we might stand this Memorial Day, recognizing and honoring the lives of those who served and died, who served and lived, and those who are serving are lives to be honored and not forgotten.
On thy grave the rain shall fall from the eyes of a mighty nation!
Thomas William Parsons
A dismal day for parades and celebrations, but perhaps in another way ironically appropriate. Certainly those we remember faced far greater difficulties than we do as we face this day. Let us remember…
This vehicle has GPS–the horse usually knows the way home.
We have a large population of people in America who cannot go anywhere without their GPS–even to places in their own town that they truly were able to find, on their own, just four or five years ago. But now they must take their mobile performance support system with them. They have become completely dependent on the box. I can’t help but think they are in danger of losing the skill of thinking their way through a route by, say, using a map. Or perhaps they have never even learned to read a map!
I’m a huge fan of technology, make no mistake. Even on a short trip to Bangor I’ll often “fire up” Greta (Garmin). She helps me keep a sense of my progress and estimated arrival time. She reminds me occasionally to make a turn and sometimes annoys me when I deviate slightly to stop for coffee with her constant recalculating. I confess I somewhat enjoy taking a shortcut that she doesn’t have in her data bank.
We have a tenuous relationship because I refuse to yield my independent thought and directional capabilities to the support system she represents. I gently remind her that she has, more than once, let me down. I like to think I can still get myself out of a lost situation when she leads me astray. I’m discovering that the only time I can’t get myself out is when I’ve been blindly following her commands without thinking or paying some attention to where she’s sending me.
Developing a dependency on her not only may dull the senses, I get concerned it might even reduce my sense of adventure. (I am rarely lost, but have been known to have some adventures.) A few years ago I had a great deal of trouble locating a hotel where I had a reservation. My repeated attempts took me past a visitor information center so I decided to get Greta some help. After briefly stating my problem, the staffer said, “Well, the first thing you have to do is turn off the GPS.” I chuckled at this suggestion as he grabbed a pen and unfolded a paper map, and we ultimately had an interesting conversation covering topics such as “sense of direction,” conflicting messages, and self-reliance in a world that’s increasingly driven by technology.
“Getting lost” may be more about losing a sense of place than about finding things. I learned years ago when hiking in the woods that’s it’s important to turn around frequently–the world is going to look differently on the return trip. We become lost when we aren’t feeling oriented or connected to our surroundings. “This doesn’t look right! Where am I?”
As vacation travel season approaches I usually rethink my relationship with Greta. I remind myself she’s pretty good when it comes to goal orientation, but she’s not likely to say things like, “Did you notice…” or “You know, you could try…” Perhaps some day technology will develop sufficiently for Greta to say things like “Nice lane change!” and “you noticed that before I did…” It would reinforce the fact that she’s working for me, it’s not the other way around. I think she should give me a little more credit than she does.
But for now, it’s going to be up to me to be aware of my surroundings–the way it should be. Better yet, it’s my trip and my vacation. Since I gave her the goal, I can change it. For that matter, since it’s vacation, there will be mornings when there is no goal. She’ll spend a lot of time in “map only” mode as we meander. In the kindest way possible, I’ll let her know, “If I need your help today, I’ll ask for it. Let me see what I can find on my own.”
Memorial Day 2015… a day of remembering… a day of sadness… a day of celebration.
Walter Boomsma (“Mr. Boomsma”) writes on a wide array of topics including personal development, teaching and learning. Course information is also available here!
