You don’t have to know me too well to know that one of my favorite questions is “Are you okay?” During this pandemic, it’s become a more important question and I’ve found myself asking people the question in various forms.

Unfortunately, I forgot to ask myself that question until recently when, I realized that, for various reasons, I was not okay. In short form, I was allowing “things” outside myself exact a mental and emotional toll that was less than healthy.

I kicked some self-care strategies into gear and am pleased to report I’m better. I’m not inclined to declare myself “okay” yet, not fully. But I’m a lot more okay than I was a month ago.

In a strange irony, the writers’ group I belong to posed some interesting survey questions recently. “What did lockdown teach you about yourself, your creativity, and your author business? For those that are now moving through the unlocking phase, what will you do differently creatively, personally and business-wise?” Since it’s a writer’s group, they were open-ended questions, not survey style.

While the pandemic is far from over, let me share with you some of the lessons I’m learning.

I’ve already at least hinted at the importance of “self-care” and asking “Am I okay?” It’s important to figure out what “centers” us–what keeps us grounded and focused. It’s about calming our emotions and slowing our minds. For me, writing is very effective and I realized that I hadn’t been. So I started writing–following my own advice regarding writer’s block. Just write. Don’t think. In the past thirty days, I’ve produced an amazing journal that, hopefully, no one will ever read. I’ll continue writing for myself but it has prepared me to start writing for others. If you haven’t noticed, this is my first blog post in some months.

Lesson 1: Ask yourself if you are okay. Spend some energy getting centered using whatever techniques work for you.

While it conflicts with the traditional writer image, I also have come to realize that human contact is important to me. While there are many times the idea of locking myself away to write, write, write, I know I wouldn’t last very long. I consider myself an introvert–that surprises many people–but I also like and need human contact. We all do. Solitary confinement is a punishment. Terms like “lockdown” and “quarantine” are troubling. If I could change the vocabulary, I wish we’d talk about physical distancing instead of social distancing.

Lesson 2: Make a conscious effort to reach across physical separation to stay close and connected to others.

When restrictions were implemented, I was teaching three real estate courses with a total enrollment of about 75 students. I’ve always said that I teach students, not courses but the reality of that became undeniable. Since we couldn’t assemble for classes, it took time and creativity to stay on track. Thus, I became acutely aware of the importance of technology as we move forward–not just through COVID-19 but through life as we know it.

There was a strange dichotomy in this–while I was physically distant from those students, I became more “intimate” with many of them as they shared their challenges… a single dad who suddenly found himself with homeschooling his three kids, a mom who works in health care and is afraid for her child who has asthma, students who found it difficult to concentrate. The list at times seemed endless.

I do not believe, as many do, that technology is a solution to most problems, but it becomes an important tool. I’m a bit amazed at how much technology I’ve adopted in the past several months. We didn’t have classes but we did have email, texting, phone calls, video conferencing, social media… I adopted the slogan that we would “stay the course.” There was never a question of what we would accomplish. We did have to keep asking how we would accomplish it.

Lesson #3 Embrace technology without making it an all or nothing proposition. Technology is a tool–it doesn’t replace anything and shouldn’t be the only tool we use.

Humans love predictability–we actually depend on it. We are currently living with a lot of uncertainty. When I started writing in an attempt to get “centered” I realized how important it is to occasionally focus on what hasn’t and won’t change. I didn’t write a list but once I started thinking about it, there’s a lot that won’t change. The law of gravity is a place to start, there’s no indication that’s going to change any time soon. It might seem silly but it’s about getting started and recognizing it’s not something you finish. It’s really about changing focus.

Personally, I’m learning to hate the phrase “new normal” almost as much as I find “we’re all in this together” annoying. While it’s true that COVID-19 affects everyone it’s equally true that it affects everyone differently. For that reason, I believe we each have the ability to largely control and develop our own “new normal.” We just have to get centered and focused, stay connected to others, and use technology and other tools as we move forward through time.

Conclusion: We do not have to be a victim of COVID-19 or anything else that comes along.