Category Archives: People and Community

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People and Community, Personal Growth, Simple Living

You’re Not Angry, Are You?

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One of the more “touristy” things we did while in Canada a few years ago was to visit the Alexander Graham Bell Museum in Baddeck, Nova Scotia. For the record, it’s a beautiful and extremely educational spot. When we entered the building and approached the ticket desk, a tour member slipped in front of us to approach the bright and chipper “ranger” (the museum is a provincial park). She began peppering Ranger Rachel (not her real name) with questions, requests, and observations that were actually demands.

Photo of Park Ranger

Ranger Rachel kept her composure throughout, even while it was apparent that Terry Tourist was, for the most part, not really listening and unlikely to be satisfied with anything Ranger Rachel said or did. Since we were on vacation and in no real hurry, I attempted to see the humor in it. When Terry Tourist ran out of steam and left, I approached the counter wearing my best international diplomatic smile.

Allowing her body to noticeably relax, Ranger Rachel sighed, “Why is everyone so angry this morning?” My guard was down, and I said, “I’ll bet you’ve dealt mostly with Americans today.” To her diplomatic credit, she didn’t confirm or deny my suspicion. We did, however, briefly discuss attitudes in general and tourists in particular.

It wasn’t until later I realized my spontaneous response reflected an unconscious observation I’d been recording. We encountered a lot less anger in Canada, at least among Canadians. And, with the possible exception of Terry Tourist, it seemed contagious. It’s hard to be angry with someone who is smiling and being nice. Or at least it should be.

Sure, it was a vacation, and I was probably wearing my rose-tinted (not as strong as rose-colored) glasses. But I’m convinced Canada–at least in the provinces we were in–is a happier and more relaxed place. Heck, even the Canadian Facebook Groups and Pages I visited and interacted with were friendly and peaceful. (Conversely, when I posted a photo on my timeline about a Canadian Ale I found quite tasty, it didn’t take long for a comment to appear stating that all beer is rotten stuff, etc., and accusing me of encouraging people to ruin their lives.)

I don’t doubt for a minute that something in the commenter’s past influenced his thinking. But I am struggling to understand why he’s so angry, because that anger will have a greater negative effect on him than a pint of Canadian Ale. I was tempted to reply, “Don’t worry, I won’t buy you one.” I suspect he would not have seen the humor in that.

Ranger Rachel’s question stuck with me longer than the museum tour itself did. “Why is everyone so angry this morning?” She meant tourists at a ticket counter, but the more I turned it over, the more it seemed like a fair question about the rest of us too — Terry Tourist, beer-guy, plenty of people I follow online who seem to be one honest opinion away from a fight.

Why are we so angry? I do think part of the answer lies in society’s tendency to engage in victim-thinking. It’s easy to blame someone or something for any unhappiness or difficulties that come our way. Lots of energy goes into figuring out who to blame that might be better spent figuring out how to solve the problem.

From victimhood, it’s not a big leap to feeling that everyone and everything is against us. Once we’re there, it becomes very easy to feel abused and hopeless. Sometimes when we’ve had enough, we become vicious in word and, potentially, in action. That viciousness can be directed towards ourselves as well as others.

There’s some science involved. Anger often arises when we face perceived threats or injustices, and the brain’s amygdala activates the “fight or flight” response. Note the word “perceived” in that sentence. While the amygdala gets us ready to fight, the prefrontal cortex is yelling, “Wait a minute! Is this threat real or at least manageable?”

The amygdala often wins. In scientific terms, we’re angry and ready for the fight. Instead, we could engage in some uniquely human neurological regulation and evaluate the context of the situation. We could end up suppressing the anger in favor of more socially acceptable behavior.

Eleanor Roosevelt in This Is My Story observed, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I think she’d agree that “No one can make you feel angry without your consent.”

There is no logical reason for us to be victimized by our feelings. How we choose to respond to situations and people is well within our realm of choices. Anger is not the only option.

I still don’t have a good answer for Ranger Rachel. But I suspect she already knows: nobody made those tourists angry that morning. They brought it with them.

Knowing that, you aren’t angry, are you?

Maine Life, People and Community, Teaching and Learning

Winning by Losing

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This article appeared in the June Issue of The Guilford Register.

A small gaggle of middle school girls approached me at first somewhat shyly. They know whining isn’t allowed in my classroom when I substitute, but we weren’t at school; we were at the Piscataquis River Festival. I suspect they also would have claimed what they were doing was actually begging, not whining.

For those who don’t know, the Guilford River Festival is a truly awesome annual event that’s extremely family and kid-friendly. The girls were offering a competition based on a game we sometimes play at school. “Are you smarter than a PCMS student?” They were having trouble getting contestants and begged me to visit their setup and play. Violating yet another school rule, they grabbed me by the hands and dragged and pushed me to their setup.

When I arrived, the girls and their game host immediately disappeared to “strategize,” triggering a certain amount of suspicion in my mind. Upon returning, they all had a noticeable “cat that swallowed the canary” look.

The game host explained the rules and process carefully and quickly. I think I heard him say that the game was “only slightly rigged.” I would be competing against the girls, but I had the first chance to answer the questions. If I answered the question wrong, they could “take the point” by answering correctly, proving they were smarter.

The questions were of a historical nature and not too difficult, but my suspicions were at an all-time high, so I thought long and hard before answering. I could almost hear the clock ticking and the music playing. The first question required a date for an answer. When I answered, the game host called “Wrong! and the girls huddled. After some whispering, they shouted an answer in unison. “Billy Bob!”

“Correct!” Since the audience was small, the girls provided most of the applause for their nonsensical achievement.

The second question required a person’s name for an answer, and I admitted I was tempted to answer “Billy Bob,” but went with what I was sure was correct. Again, my answer was declared wrong. Again, after huddling, the girls answered nonsensically, and the host declared them correct.

I suppose some would have felt cheated, but I found myself laughing and having fun. Maybe it wasn’t just about the contest questions. Remember, the original question was “Are you smarter than a PCMS student?” It was becoming clear that I was not–they were outsmarting me and reminding me that some things aren’t to be taken seriously.

The process continued with the girls winning all the points and me being skunked. It was at that point that the game show host indicated I shouldn’t go away empty-handed and presented me with a t-shirt from the sponsoring local business. My response was genuine: “This is definitely worth losing for.”

I may be risking over-analysis, but the experience left me not only laughing but also thinking. Winning and losing are words. People give meaning to words–it’s not the other way around. Sometimes we win when we lose. I knew I’d enjoy that shirt and the memory of losing to a gaggle of giggling girls who did, in fact, outsmart me. So, thanks to the girls and their sponsor for hosting the contest I won by losing.

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Amish Life, Digital Dynamics, People and Community, Simple Living

Tolerating Intolerance

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An angry Walter Boomsma

I’m fond of saying, “The only thing I can’t tolerate is intolerance.” But it’s not quite true, and I feel a need to rant.

Let’s start by noting that any arbitrary generality about the Amish is wrong. When people say, “They don’t like to be photographed,” there’s a good chance it’s true. While this is going to be about the Amish, it also isn’t. Are you confused yet?

Personally, I do not photograph people who might qualify as “Amish,” even in public places where the law might allow it. To me, the law is not the deciding factor. Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it should be done.

If we keep this simple, the odds are good that most Amish would prefer not being photographed. If one takes the time to understand the Amish mindset, it makes sense. (They aren’t worried about their souls being stolen, by the way.) One of my favorite encounters with the subject happened with an Amish man telling a group of tourists who were visiting their farm, “If you ask my permission, I’m obligated to refuse. My family definitely cannot pose. But we also won’t stop you as long as you’re discreet and respectful.”

Unfortunately, the Amish mindset and lifestyle make them photogenic and easy to exploit. A lot of people take advantage of that on social media. I don’t particularly like it, but I get it. Or at least I mostly tolerate it.

There is a Facebook User in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, who has obviously purchased a pair of Meta AI Glasses. These glasses allow her to video record her interactions with people (almost exclusively Amish in farm markets and businesses) and then post the recordings freely on Facebook. I’m angry enough not to bother raising questions about Facebook’s almost non-existent “Community Standards.”

Do we really need rules and laws to prevent what is abusive, disrespectful, and exploitive? (I know the answer is “yes,” but I want to believe there is still some level of decency in today’s society. There’s not much left on social media.) If she did this with a non-Amish kid, some parent might track her down and smash her glasses. (I’m not suggesting that, but there would be consequences.) The Amish aren’t like that, and the people who exploit them know it. I’m not sure what I will do if I encounter her the next time I’m in the Lancaster area.

But I do know this. Pennsylvania has a two-party consent law, and she is in clear violation of it. In addition, from the recordings, it is obvious she is also recording minors without consent. She has been told this with comments; she simply deletes the comments and blocks the user. A few of us are angry enough to start a grassroots movement. Properly directed public pressure can be very effective. You can also reach out to Lancaster County Crime Stoppers. They allow you to report anonymously.

Update: At least one very detailed report has been filed with the Lancaster County District Attorney’s Office by a Lancaster County Citizen. I haven’t seen anything concrete yet but it’s rumored that the e-newspaper Lancaster Online has “developed an interest.” The wheels of justice may be turning, however slowly.

Books by Walter, People and Community, Simple Living

Bring an Umbrella

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Much has been written about rain. Sometimes we get too much of it. Other times, we don’t get enough. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow suggested, “The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.” That seems to be sound advice.

Iwo Jima Monument

It’s Memorial Day, and it’s raining. As I consider the impact of that, one thing that comes to mind is that I probably won’t be hanging out the flag. The U.S. Flag Code recommends against it, unless the flag is a designated “all-weather” flag. Mine isn’t.

I have been teased in the past over the importance I place on displaying my flag on Memorial Day. Since my gravel road is a dead-end, there’s not much traffic. “Who’s going to see it?” My reply has always been, “I will.”

The rain does affect things. Social media is announcing the cancellation of many events this morning. I suppose I could announce that there will be no flag flying at the end of the driveway due to inclement weather. That’s certainly not as significant as the cancellation of a parade or cookout. The absence of a flag may not even be worth noting to most. I will notice.

It took some time and effort, but I succeeded in getting my book, Memorials, Monuments, and Memories, published in time for the holiday. I’ll confess that the idea of standing in the rain this year to honor those who served was not appealing at first. Haven’t I done enough?

No, I haven’t. As interest in and support for the true meaning of Memorial Day dwindle, we should feel called to do more. When I realize that thousands of 17-year-olds made the ultimate sacrifice, standing in the rain for 20 minutes doesn’t feel like much of a hardship by comparison. I might even enjoy the fact that I can have that honor.

The weather may influence what we do, but that doesn’t mean we should allow it to dictate our mood. Somber is not a synonym for sad. My hometown announced that the traditional ceremony has been moved inside the town hall. Those who wish will then parade to the cemetery to honor the fallen. (You can’t fire the gun salute inside the town hall!) We must explore what it truly means to honor the fallen, keep faith with the past, and celebrate our shared humanity.

Today, it’s not about the rain. It’s about love, legacy, and the living obligations we carry forward. Bring your umbrella.