Causes and Friends, Just for Fun, Maine Life, Using social media

I Wasn’t Really Serious

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I do seriously admire the work of Maine Author Tim Cotton. (I am serious about that.) Tim is a retired Bangor Police lieutenant, author, and social media personality famous for his witty, heartwarming posts about law enforcement and life in Maine. He recently shared some insightful thoughts about what people post on Facebook. Since he mentioned not getting any raisins in a bowl of Raisin Bran, he tickled my sense of humor. So, with my tongue in my cheek, I added the following comment.

Do you suppose the day will come when obituaries include, “The deceased lived an active life scrolling and posting on Facebook?”

I wasn’t really serious. Once more comments were added, I realized I may have been. It doesn’t take long to discover some people seem to live on Facebook. If it means that much to them, why not include it in one’s final legacy? Apparently, I struck a chord because several people thanked me for the idea. Unfortunately, I can’t tell if their tongue was in their cheek when they replied.

Social media is redefining the word “friend,” so I am using it here advisedly. I seem to have several “friends” who spend every waking moment searching for politically related posts to share. Others are anxious to share their medical issues and seek medical advice. Some post cute photos of puppies and kittens. I rarely respond directly. Are they friends with me or friends with Facebook? Perhaps instead of waiting until “death do them part” from their phone, Facebook could offer some participation awards. “He who spends the most time on Facebook wins.”

Oh, wait, they do. I’ve received several “top fan” badges. I’m never sure why, but I think it relates to the number of comments I’ve made on a particular page. It’s some sort of participation trophy. I wasn’t striving for it. I haven’t figured out Facebook’s algorithms, but I know that’s how they decide what I get to see. I find some irony in the fact that the most recent one I was granted involved an organization I frequently criticize. So, in addition to redefining “friend,” Facebook is now redefining “fan.”

I suspect the quality of our participation in Facebook–all social media, really–is a non-issue for them. All that really matters is we just keep scrolling and clicking “like.” I can’t prove this, but I think that if you hesitate while scrolling, Facebook considers that interest. I recently received a notice on Facebook about a ballroom dancing class in another state that I’m interested in. I’m not sure what I did to deserve that notice.

Some of my “friends” are helping my participation by tagging me in posts and “highlighting” posts that I’m not interested in, but they think it increases their chance of winning something. They also assume they’ll get another star in their heavenly crown if they share missing children announcements that are actually nothing more than clickbait.

I could go on.

Facebook is probably one of the least understood communication vehicles we have available to us. It, and social media in general, serve some valuable purposes—one reason these platforms have been so readily adopted. Personally, I don’t plan to promote it in my obituary. And I hope my involvement in social media isn’t my legacy.

An interesting exercise, maybe an AI program could do this–Facebook is doing it, but they probably won’t share the results, would be to write a description of you and your interests based solely on your social media activity. If you’re willing to think about that, you may find it creates perspective. I’m undecided whether a person’s perspective is apparent on Facebook or lost there. And that begs the question of whether or not it’s an accurate portrayal.

Years ago, a popular icebreaker for new groups was to ask what two words people wanted on their gravestone. Beyond the basic data, some gravestones include an epitaph. Obituaries tend to report a person’s involvement. You may not want to write or plan either, but thinking about them can reveal perspective–or better yet, help create it. “Here lies Joe. He departed this world, leaving behind over 1,000 Facebook Friends.”

Seth Godin recently noted that smartphones want our attention–as much of it as they can get. “It does that by bringing the outside world to wherever you are, piercing the intimacy of here and the magic of now by persistently creating anxiety or fear or satisfaction, again and again and again.”

How’s your relationship with your smartphone and social media? Who are you, and how are you spending your time and energy? Relationship quality should be an issue. You do have choices.

This article also appears in the March Issue of The Guilford Register.

Causes and Friends, Just for Fun, Simple Thinking

I Doubt It!

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 I wonder if I’ll ever stop being amazed by the number of scams being run on the Internet and Social Media. I can’t resist sharing this one because it might actually be considered funny.

So “Commander Kirkland” has reached out to “whom it may concern” with what might initially appear troubling news. He informs us “...you and your organization,  that the Federal Law Enforcement agencies of the United States of America, in conjunction with Interpol, the World Security Council and the United Nations Amnesty International Program, are announcing a series of arrests and investigations using a psychological torture, and brainwashing technique known as a ‘forgiveness tatoo’. [sic]

I’m reminded a bit of the old joke “You know it’s not going to be a good day when you find the news teams standing on your front lawn.”

By the way, “forgiveness tattoos” (spelled correctly) are a real thing readily available on the Internet. I don’t pretend to fully understand their value, but as far as I can see, they aren’t about brainwashing or torture.

“What is the scam?” you ask. I don’t know, I didn’t fall for it. But I suspect the first step was to get me to reply to the email. It’s interesting that a Federal Law Enforcement Commander is using a GMail address. I’ll admit, I almost did reply out of curiosity.

You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

Attributed to Abraham Lincoln.

The updated version is

You can fool enough people some of the time to make a decent living.

Mr. Boomsma

Just don’t be one of those people helping scammers make a living. And, perhaps more importantly, don’t let these attempts get you down. Think of them as an opportunity to demonstrate how smart you are. Just slow down and think! Wouldn’t you think a high-ranking federal law enforcement official would (among other things):

  • know how to spell the “tattoos” he is investigating
  • have an email address associated with his agency (and identify it)

No worries. Now, if you see the CNN or Fox News Team standing in front of your house some morning…

Just for Fun, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth, Simple Thinking

Happy What?

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My favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables expresses one of Anne’s important discoveries.

“Every day is a new day with no mistakes in it.” – Anne Shirley

“Every year is a new year with no mistakes in it!” – Walter Boomsma

I suspect that some have already added “yet” to my version of the quote. Rationalizing that I’m a realist, I was tempted myself. Anne didn’t. She was committed to an imaginative view of life. She saw each day as an opportunity to leave past errors behind and embrace possibilities. Each day is about resilience and renewal. For Anne, each day is about embracing the present and living in the moment.

When we move from the clock to the calendar,  it’s easy to lose that view.

(Click to enlarge)

When December 31 rolls around, we look ahead; we also tend to look backward. As one year ends and another begins, media outlets will write “the year in review,” and some will sing “Auld Lange Syne,” perhaps without wondering what it means. (It’s Scottish in origin, suggesting “let’s drink to days gone by…,” indeed an appropriate toast for the beginning of a new year, although there’s really nothing about the song suggesting it was written for that purpose. )

Now, I don’t mean to mix drinking and driving, but since we’re talking about looking, I’d like to point out that rearview mirrors are much smaller than windshields. That says something about perspective. Where should we focus as we approach the new year? What’s ahead or what’s behind?

Joel Weldon is a highly respected motivational speaker best known for his “Success Comes in Cans” presentations. He suggests, “Jet pilots don’t use rearview mirrors.”

The truth lies somewhere between looking in the mirror and looking out the windshield, between the past and the future. The world doesn’t magically change when the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve. I’ve long ago given up waiting for that magical moment with party hats, noisemakers, champagne, off-key singing, hugging, and kissing. Any excuse for a party, right?

The challenge with using a rearview mirror is that it’s easy to fall into a “subtractive” mindset, romanticizing what was and what we miss. Without realizing it, we forget about the windshield. If you can stand another quote–this one not so famous–I’ll share the background first. It’s from an old television program. A distraught man was sharing his feelings with his therapist as he paced around the room. He happened to stop before the window.

“I just realized what my problem is… I’ve been looking in the mirror when I should have been looking out the window.”- Anonymous Mental Health Patient

So, I’m not going to ask you about your resolutions–that’s looking out the windshield. I’m not going to ask you what the best thing that happened to you last year was–that’s looking in the rearview mirror. I won’t even wish you a happy New Year.

I will ask you to do this. Remember that life is full of uncertainties and unknowns. But it’s not just about where you’ve been or where you’re going. It’s not just about what’s happened to you or what’s going to happen to you.

Life is about being.

Grab a cup of kindness and celebrate that!

This article will appear in the February Issue of The Guilford Register. © by the author.

Communication, Personal Growth

Thirty Seconds in Time

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This is not a political post. It’s a very short story that happened in less time than it takes to tell it. The story is true, but I would note it happened nearly forty-five years ago—in a very different time. This also did not happen in Maine.

Image of driver and police officer.
This image is AI-generated for illustrative purposes.

It was late at night, and I was driving to our new home. It was located on a state highway. I was driving slowly so I wouldn’t miss the left turn into the driveway.

Just as I spotted the turn, blue lights began flashing close behind me. I flipped on the left-turn signal and continued into my darkened driveway. When I stopped, I realized the blue lights were now at the end of the driveway, but not in it.

Remembering there was a switch on the outside of the dark home, I jumped out of the car and ran for it.

When the light came on, I turned to see a state trooper approaching with his hand on his still holstered weapon. I would guess thirty seconds had transpired since the blue lights started flashing. During those thirty seconds, I made several decisions.  In retrospect, most of them were wrong. I should have known better. The story could have ended differently.

The officer didn’t actually draw his weapon, and the situation de-escalated quickly. He and I actually had a pleasant, somewhat lengthy conversation about the incident. We shared our perspectives on what had happened. I didn’t get a ticket. I don’t recall him asking for my license and registration. I do remember his handshake when we parted. To this day, I appreciate the fact that we shared our perspectives.

I didn’t think to ask if my out-of-state plate was a factor. I knew I wasn’t speeding—if anything, I was driving slowly. What I didn’t know was that I had a taillight out. In fact, when the blue lights started flashing, it crossed my mind that the trooper wanted to get past me, and I should get out of the way.

When I realized that was not the case, my first thought was to shed some light on the situation. Flipping the switch actually meant the entire driveway would be lit. It all makes sense, at least until you understand what the officer was thinking during the same thirty seconds. What should have been a routine traffic stop became something else.

As he explained, my left turn signal was not what he expected when he turned on his lights. He knew it was a driveway, not a street. He didn’t know my intention or what would happen if he followed me into the driveway with his cruiser. Instead, he blocked the end of my driveway by parking on the wrong side of the highway. Then he saw me get out of my car and hurry away. At that point, he was out of the cruiser and thinking he might have to give chase.

Remember, this all happened fast, with both of us making almost instantaneous decisions.

While I’m not usually interested in blame, I made more mistakes than he did. The first one was turning into the driveway. I should have turned on my right turn signal and pulled over safely on the side of the highway.

My second mistake was getting out of the vehicle. The only reason it made sense (to me) to do so was that I’d already made the first mistake. I threw several curves at him, signaling that things would not be predictable or routine. If anything, I could be surprised he hadn’t drawn his weapon, except I know most LEOs are not anxious to do so,  often at their own peril.

This is not a story about authority and power. It’s a story about communication. My actions that night might seem very logical, but those actions communicated something that wasn’t true. It’s almost trite to say, “Actions speak louder than words,” but in tense situations, what we do counts.

Just for Fun

The Weight Loss Project

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Man making a plan on easel

On one of the consulting project teams I managed, the team averaged six to eight members throughout a six-month project. The team includes some diverse, colorful characters. One of the best compliments I received after the project we finished included the observation that I had somehow managed to keep the team together and focused. They weren’t exactly the “dirty dozen,” but each had his own style and unique skills. Egos and a desire for independence were certainly not rare among consultants.

We had a guy (Bill) who was a bit obsessive and rough around the edges. I had worked with him before and was a bit concerned about him accepting my leadership. When the project started, he was deeply involved with his own weight management project. He did not hesitate to brag about his success.

We also had a fairly rotund guy (Ed) with a great sense of humor. It was clear at the outset that he was a bit of a plodder. Bill couldn’t resist the challenge, and they formed a friendly partnership with that as a goal. To fully appreciate some of the dynamics, understand that we all stayed in the same hotel Monday through Friday while working 12-15 hour days on site.

Every morning when we arrived on site, the team “suited up” and each toured their areas of responsibility. (We were required to wear lab coats, boots, hard hats, etc.) After touring their areas, we’d meet again to debrief and quickly review plans for the day. On the way back to the conference room, Bill and Ed would meet at the walk-on scale used to weigh the product. (Every good project includes metrics!) Part of the debriefing was a brief report on the weight loss project. It was usually first on our informal agenda.

Caveman making to-do list

Ed started gaining weight. The tension grew during morning reports. Most of the team enjoyed Bill’s initial consternation. (Suffice it to note that Bill could benefit from some humbling in general.) It didn’t take long for Bill to accuse Ed of cheating by doing things like eating crackers at night in his room. The rest of the team was certainly interested and followed the lack of progress. Some of them actually started waiting at the scale for the weigh-in. After one particularly intense morning, Ed stayed after debriefing to speak to me in private. He confided that, while walking through his area, he would stop at the maintenance shop and “load up” by filling his pockets with metal ball bearings and things. He even took to borrowing hammers from the maintenance shop and hanging them from his belt beneath his coat.

When Ed gained twenty pounds under Bill’s supervision, Bill’s anxiety and stress level peaked. One of the things I loved about Bill was that he took his work seriously. I managed to keep a straight face as things intensified. But ultimately, I had to declare an end to things. I even managed to do it during a morning meeting with the entire team present. I managed not to laugh and to maintain an authoritative leadership role, briefly discussing focus and the project’s objectives.

While I spoke, Ed started wordlessly reaching inside his coat and removing the weight he’d “gained,” piling it on the table. For a long time, you could have heard a pin drop and watched Bill’s eyes widen and mouth fall open. Frankly, it was fun to see him at a loss for words. When he finally spoke, he used some colorful adult metaphors, but it didn’t take too long for the entire group to break into laughter. I think Bill laughed the hardest, even as he cussed out Ed and learned that many people were in on it. I allowed the group to head back to the scale for a follow-up weight check. I don’t remember the number, but Ed had lost enough to claim the weight loss project a success. Bill took quite a bit of teasing for a few days. Fortunately, the maintenance shop wasn’t his area of responsibility. Those guys were ruthless.

You know, maybe this isn’t just a weight-loss story. It might be a project management story. This was forty-plus years ago. The stories can be told. Maybe they should be told, if only for their entertainment value. But, as I often say, “learning should be fun” and there are many ways to make it so. This probably wouldn’t qualify as a Harvard University Case Study. But maybe it should.

Walter Boomsma (“Mr. Boomsma”) writes on a wide array of topics including personal development, teaching and learning. Course information is also available here!