Tag Archives: habits

Personal Growth

How’s Christmas Going for You?

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At our elementary school’s Holiday Concert, one kindergartener was completely dressed in a Santa Suit! I couldn’t resist looking totally shocked and saying to him, “Omigosh, I didn’t realize Santa was going to be here!”

He smiled at me, placed his hands on his little padded belly and said quite seriously, “Mr. Boomsma, what would you like for Christmas?” A few hours later I realized how important his question was.

I was at a different event and was introduced to a Christmas Song I’d never heard before. I’m not sure how I missed this song–it was written in 1974 by Greg Lake as a protest against the commercialization of Christmas. The song has an interesting history, but it has an even more interesting closing line:

“We get the Christmas we deserve…”

That’s something to think about. We are, unfortunately, a culture of fault-finders and that makes us often feel victimized. We complain about how commercial Christmas has become… object to the costs and the endless attempts at political correctness. We remember fondly the Christmases of yesteryear and whine, “It’s not like it used to be.”

Lake wrote the song in part because, as he described it, “Christmas was a time of family warmth and love. There was a feeling of forgiveness, acceptance.  And I do believe in Father Christmas.”

So maybe we need to focus on what we believe in and then ask ourselves “What am I contributing to the season and what do I want from it?” Once we’ve wrapped our heads (and hearts) around that we can create the activities that contribute to that meaning and focus on those. What do you want for Christmas? How are you going to get it?

Christmas isn’t something that happens to us.  We get the Christmas we deserve.

You can learn more about the interesting history of this tune on Wikipedia. 

Communication, Mental Hygiene

Expanding Our Worlds

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The song suggests, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” and even provides some reasons. “With holiday greetings and gay happy meetings… when friends come to call….”

I’ve found this to be true and almost unconsciously allow more time when I “run into town for a few errands” this time of year. For one thing,  there are more people around doing likewise. For another, most–even though busy–are feeling a bit festive and anxious to get and give a handshake, a hug, and a hearty hello.

“There’ll be much mistletoe-ing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near…” Well, given the current political environment we may choose to suppress the “mistletoe-ing,” but our hearts do glow when loved ones are near. Much like plugging in the lights on the tree, we seem to get more connected this time of year. That’s a good thing.

But I recently ran into a sobering statistic. A public health survey conducted in 1980 showed that 20% of the people surveyed described themselves as “lonely.” The survey was recently repeated and 40% of the respondents described themselves as “lonely.” So in spite of technology and social media, there’s been a doubling of “loneliness.” How can that be when we live in such an expanded world?

There are those suggesting we are actually losing the ability to connect in a nurturing, meaningful way. There are, it seems, some interesting social trends that deserve our attention. Consider a few:

  • online shopping–it’s now possible to do all of our holiday shopping without contact with a human being. Yes, it can be quite efficient and cost-effective. But it also means we don’t “rub elbows” with others… share frustrations, ask others opinions or just occasionally allow someone to go ahead of us in the check out line because they have only one item.
  • celebrating occasions–I recently discovered the death of a friend by reading a Facebook Post. There will be no services, but I am invited to post my condolences online in a “memory book.” I find myself wishing I could hug some of the people he has left behind. And, while we weren’t really close, I wouldn’t mind getting a hug back. I liked him and will miss him.
  • distracted everything–most people acknowledge the hazards of texting and driving (but do it anyway). But what about distracted visits? Another friend posted a funny-but-not Christmas Photo on Facebook. She and her entire family are sitting on a comfy couch, looking very festive, the obligatory Christmas tree in the background. The caption was something like “A (last name) Family Christmas.” Of course, every member of the family is not looking at the camera… they are looking at their cell phone screens.

Technology has, in one sense, expanded our worlds but with it comes the danger we actually become more isolated. Social media is about big numbers–big numbers of friends and frequent contact. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it’s not very nourishing and nurturing.

Maybe instead of sending emojis and stickers, we make this a wonderful time of the year with some connections that include a warm touch and a look in the eye. It’s a wonderful time of the year to delve into our humanity in addition to our technology.

 

 

Communication, Personal Growth

Just How Busy Are You, Really?

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“If you don’t pay appropriate attention to what has your attention, it will take more of your attention than it deserves.”

David Allen

Well, that quote got my attention! The article it was in was about productivity–something that’s been weighing on my mind during what is traditionally one of my busiest months of the year. The article also mentioned a recent article in The Atlantic  suggesting that being busy may have become a status symbol.

I’m chuckling at the thought I currently have lots of status.

In a more serious vein, let’s go back to the quote. I think it, like most good quotes, gives rise to a number of thoughts and considerations.

I’ve always believed that there really aren’t time management problems–there are priority issues. Too often we are not conscious of what is getting our attention. I recently emailed someone for some fairly simple information I needed. When I didn’t get a reply, I emailed again. This time I received a fairly lengthy explanation for his failure to reply–he explained that he is extremely busy. What I found most interesting about his reply was that he could have given me the information in the amount of time it took for him to explain how busy he was, but he didn’t. Isn’t that interesting? I can accept that my needs may not be a priority, but I’d like a little honesty.

I think his failure to provide had less to do with how busy he was and more to do with him judging my need didn’t make it to his priority list.

Some time management/productivity gurus suggest managing energy rather than time. I’ve found that’s a great way to justify procrastination. “I don’t have the energy right now, so I’ll do something else.” For that matter, it works the same with time. “I don’t have enough time to do that (even though it’s really important) so I’ll wait until…” It’s certainly not hard to find reasons not to do things!Notice, though, procrastination is still about priorities. All we’re really doing is justifying the shifting our priorities.

Notice that procrastination is still about priorities. All we’re really doing is justifying shifting our priorities. That may be okay, but let’s recognize and admit that we’re doing it. We can at least be honest with ourselves.

When we’re less than honest with ourselves–that’s when we end up giving things more attention than they deserve. Anyone who’s ever tried to have an important or urgent conversation with someone who is constantly checking their smartphone and answering text messages knows exactly what I mean. And that’s just an example.

What does have your attention? Is that what’s important to you?

How busy are you, really?

Just for Fun, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

Let’s Make Some Beauty!

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Three years ago chance circumstances meant a last minute opportunity to invite two young friends to attend a Christmas performance of the Nutcracker with us.  We had a grand time and ultimately decided we would at least in some form repeat the tradition the next year. When we started discussing our plans, I’ll admit that I was a bit surprised when the girls’ choices were all repeats of what we’d done the first year. They wanted to attend the same performance and go to the same restaurant–even to order the same food! Their explanation was “It’s our tradition.”

I joked that I didn’t realize it was possible to establish a tradition by doing something once. But why not? After all, this is a season of traditions. Our annual event changes very little. We’ve all come to look forward to what some might see as repetition, but there is comfort and much excitement in it.

Another tradition is counting the number of houses decorated with Christmas lights on the way to the theater. The Christmas Season is about sights and sounds and, in a word, beauty.  It’s a time to engage in tradition and enjoy the opportunity to see and hear beauty that ranges from a ballet to decorating our homes to how we (well, some of us) wrap gifts. For some, baking cookies becomes an art form. This truly is a season of beauty.

Several weeks ago I paused to stuff a few dollars into a Salvation Army kettle. When I commented that his kettle was pretty full, his smile widened as he said, “It’s the third one I’ve filled one today.” We chatted for a few minutes and I learned that this young man schedules his vacation every year so he can be a bell-ringer.  That’s just as beautiful as the music and decorations.

Last year I stood and listened to over 200 individuals perform the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah, accompanied by a symphony orchestra. It gave me chills. This year I got to hear some high school kids (the Mount View Chamber Singers) perform a cappella and was equally moved.

Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes.  While it wasn’t meant as a Christmas gift, I have a paper captain’s hat sitting on the shelf in my office. The kid who made it for me labeled the brim “Captain Boomsma.” As paper hats go, it’s a nice one. But the real beauty for me is that he made it for me and gave it to me.

My wish for you is that you see and experience much beauty during this season of opportunity. Make seeing and experiencing it a tradition (habit). Your world will be a better place.

My wish for the world is “Let’s make more beauty.” There will be no winners and there will be no losers. We’ll make our world a better place.

 

 

 

 

Personal Growth, Small People

Chew on this!

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I was recently reminded of the power of criticism when two diametrically opposed viewpoints hit my email inbox on the same day. I will spare you the details, but one was highly complimentary of a website I maintain. The second was not so much so. While expressed as a concern, the uncomplimentary message evoked some pretty strong emotion from me. Frankly, it took me several hours to calm down enough to poll several folks I respect regarding the validity of the criticism. I was assured it was, in fact, baseless.

But here’s an interesting phenomena. While I was ultimately able to “chuckle” over the criticism, guess which one of those emails I spent the most mental and emotional energy on? If you guessed “the negative one,” you’d be correct.

Ironically (unless you believe in fate), a few days later I happened to listen to an inspiring TED talk. The speaker introduced the concept of “mental hygiene” noting that while we take care of our bodies with healthy practices, most people do not have a regimen that addresses mental health. One point that particularly hit home was that we human beings have a tendency to “ruminate” over incidents and conditions in our lives. (In animal terms, “chew over and over.”) His challenge was that we might do well to consider what we are consuming and chewing over and over. Our choices affect not only our mental state, but also how and what we communicate. And, of course, what we communicate dramatically impacts those we are around.

If you're going to get trapped by your own thinking, it might as well be positive.
If you’re going to get trapped by your own thinking, it might as well be positive.

There’s both a personal and an organizational lesson for us in this. Chewing on the negative isn’t going to make it positive. Sometimes we have to spit it out and find something better to chew on. That is a choice we can make.

I substitute taught kindergarten recently. One of the things I love about five year olds is they haven’t get figured out why things can’t be done—they try stuff. One of my best moments was when a young lady came up and tugged on my sleeve. “Mr. Boomsma, I want to tell you about something nice (another student) just did for me…” We work really hard to create a positive learning environment at school. There are official positions assigned every day: class messenger (delivers notes to the office) and cubby inspector (makes sure no one has forgotten anything at the end of the day) are two. But my personal favorite is the kindness reporter. A different student each day is challenged to spot and report kindnesses happening in the classroom.

I wonder how our lives would change if we decided to be a “Kindness Reporter.” We could simply do it personally and randomly or we could self-appoint ourselves to the position with our family, our workplace, or organizations we’ve joined. Maybe we also could be a “Thinking Monitor”—someone who decides to point out negative thinking and try to stop others from chewing on it.

If you’re not willing to do it for others, at least do it for yourself. Monitor how you’re thinking and how much kindness you’re doling out. Chew on the positive possibilities. It will improve your digestion!