Tag Archives: anger

Mental Health, Personal Growth, Using social media

Today I am…

Leave a comment

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.

George S. Patton

I am a big fan of George Patton–a man not without his faults, but one who understood leadership. So it is perhaps fitting that he “rescued” me this Memorial Day Morning.

One of my Memorial Day rituals for some years now has been to write some thoughts and feelings on a day that has been important to me since I was a very young child helping my Dad prepare for and experience the day. This year I felt, frankly, a bit empty because so many of the meaningful traditions and rituals are absent.

But when I checked my email, there among the Nigerian fortunes available and Memorial Day Sales was a post that led with this reminder from the General.

I found myself chuckling a bit while speculating how long it would take in today’s world for the General to be banned from social media platforms. It’s an interesting dichotomy. Social media depends on engagement and that engagement is often driven by controversy. So in one respect, he’d have been welcomed with open arms.

I can almost picture the comments. You know more than a few people would take issue with the first statement. After all, isn’t the point of Memorial Day to remember (mourn) those who died? And what about the women who lived and died? Don’t they count? How can he be so callous to not care about those who died?

Those twenty words would have generated at least 200 comments. Depending on the group, the moderators would have shut off the comments when it got angry and mean.

I’m working on a piece about anger and the role it plays in decision-making. Stay tuned.

The General knew the value of being dogmatic often lies in the fact that it creates perspective. I’m reminded of the song, “I’ve looked at life from both sides now.”

So today I honor, mourn, and grieve for those who died. I don’t think that’s foolish or wrong. But I do think Patton was right to expect us to see the other side and be happy that those men (and women) lived.

Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

You’re not mad, are you?

Leave a comment

One of the more “touristy” things we did while in Canada was to visit the Alexander Graham Bell Museum in Baddeck, Nova Scotia. For the record, it’s a beautiful and extremely educational spot. When we entered the building and approached the ticket desk, a tour member slipped in front of us to approach the bright and chipper “ranger” (the museum is a provincial park). She began peppering Ranger Rachel (not her real name) with questions, requests, and observations that bordered on demands.

Ranger Rachel kept her composure throughout even while it was apparent that Terry Tourist was, for the most part, not really listening and unlikely to be satisfied with anything Ranger Rachel said or did. Since we were on vacation and in no real hurry I attempted to see the humor in it. When Terry Tourist ran out of steam and left, I approached the counter wearing my best international diplomatic smile.

Allowing her body to noticeably relax, Ranger Rachel sighed, “Why is everyone so angry this morning?” My guard was down and I said, truly without thinking, “I’ll bet you’ve dealt mostly with Americans today.” To her diplomatic credit, she didn’t confirm or deny my suspicion. We did, however, briefly discuss attitudes in general and tourists in particular.

It wasn’t until later I realized my spontaneous response reflected an almost unconscious observation I’d been recording. We encountered a lot less anger in Canada, at least among Canadians. And with the possible exception of Terry Tourist, it seemed to be contagious. It’s hard to be angry with someone who is smiling and being nice. Or at least it should be.

Sure, it was a vacation and I was probably wearing my rose-tinted (not as strong as rose-colored) glasses. But I’m convinced Canada–at least in the provinces we were in–is a happier and more relaxed place. Heck, even the Canadian Facebook Groups and Pages I visited and interacted with were friendly and peaceful. (Conversely, when I posted a photo on my timeline of a Canadian Ale I found quite tasty it didn’t take long for a comment to appear stating that all beer is rotten stuff, etc. and implying that I was encouraging people to ruin their lives.)

I don’t doubt for a minute that something in the commenter’s past influenced his thinking. But I am struggling with why he’s so angry because that anger will have a greater negative effect on him than a pint of Canadian Ale. I was tempted to reply, “Don’t worry, I won’t buy you one.” I suspect he would not have seen the humor in that.

So I guess I’m sorry that I don’t have an answer to Ranger Rachel’s question. Why are we so angry?

I do think part of the answer lies in society’s tendency to engage in victim-thinking. Politically and personally, we think it’s easy to blame someone or something for any unhappiness or difficulties that come our way. Lots of energy goes into figuring out who to blame that might be better spent figuring out how to solve the problem.

From victimhood, it’s not a big leap to feeling everyone and everything is against us. Once we’re there, it becomes very easy to feel abused and hopeless. Sometimes when we’ve had enough, we become vicious in word and, potentially in action. That viciousness can be directed towards ourselves as well as others.

Eleanor Roosevelt in This Is My Story observed, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I think she’d agree that “No one can make you feel angry without your consent.” There is no logical reason for us to be victimized by our feelings. How we choose to respond to situations and people is well within our realm of choices. Anger is not the only option.

Knowing that, you aren’t mad are you?

Causes and Friends, Personal Growth, School Programs, Teaching

Combating Bullying…

Leave a comment

Cyber bullyWhile admitting it’s very easy to over-simplify the “national epidemic” referred to as “bullying,” I do want to encourage those with an interest in the topic to read at least this one article. October is National Bullying Prevention Month–a program first introduced in 2006. In spite of all the attention we are giving the problem, most sources will concur the problem is actually increasing. The article will explain that bullying is now the “leading form of child abuse.”

Clearly, becoming more aware of the problem is not having an impact on reducing it. I’m forced to speculate that’s because we are focusing on the problem instead of solutions. One of the things I like about this article is that it is solution-oriented and the solutions proposed are both realistic and achievable.

I’d love to tell you more, but don’t want to be a “spoiler.” Read the article for yourself!

 

 

Learning, Maine Life, Personal Growth, Teaching

Won’t You Guide…?

5 Comments

For readers who do not know, I’ve worked with elementary kids on a volunteer basis for quite a few years… this year (at age 65) I’ve embarked a new “career” as an elementary substitute teacher.

When I got the call last Monday that I’d be needed at school, I was momentarily struck with the reality that going “to work” included the distinct possibly of not coming home. Like many, I’d been mourning the huge loss we experienced in Connecticut. As a society we’ve trusted teachers with our children’s education for a long time. The Newtown tragedy has demonstrated that we also trust those teachers and staff with our children’s very lives.

While I in no way want to diminish the loss of those children and adults, as time has passed I think we might consider that we are also mourning the loss of safe havens for children to learn. The grief that we are feeling calls out for answers and brings with it a rush to prevent this type of tragedy. We want to bring back those safe places.

One of the most meaningful things I learned about “classroom management” while preparing to become a substitute was the observation that “the only behavior you can truly control in your classroom is your own.”

One day this week I was working with first graders on an art project. I’d been warned to keep them busy or “they will make your life miserable.” We’d been doing quite well, actually, when I suddenly lost control of the classroom. Amid the coloring and cutting and pasting and cries of “Mr. B, can you help me with this?” very suddenly and spontaneously one child started singing “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” Within seconds fifteen little voices chimed in and I was left to stand and watch the unfolding of what might be described as a “Normal Rockwell Moment.”  For at least six renditions of the song (the part they remembered) my life was anything but miserable.

But it was not because of anything I did.

Every sane person wants to prevent the type of tragedy we experienced on December 14. As we work through the grief, I believe we need to remember that six year old who decided to sing. To be sure, somebody taught him to sing. But he decided it was time to sing. If we don’t remember him and his choice, we are in danger of deluding ourselves into thinking we can fix this by controlling things (guns, videos, the media, etc.) and perhaps even people.

I’ve asked myself what I might do to prevent this type of tragedy and believe the long look answer lies in another truth:  “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.” While we cannot ignore those broken adults, we (collectively, not just teachers) are “breaking” children every day by missing opportunities, failing to provide structure, and in too many cases engaging in outright abuse and neglect. The same newspaper that headlined the Newtown events also carried a story of an eight year old girl who was raped. These tragedies deserve equal outrage.

Anyone who spends any time working in schools has met them–the kids we are breaking. A kid who is constantly angry for reasons we don’t yet understand–copes by screaming and pushing his way around. The loner who is always seen off by herself during recess…

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Just this week a nine year old confessed to being tired first thing in the morning explaining that her dad goes to work at 3 AM and she’s required to get up to care for her younger brother. She’s a real good kid and I think will grow up to be a responsible adult. I’m not indicting her Dad, because it’s likely an economic necessity. But she’s carrying a lot of weight on her young shoulders–can we be sure whether it will make or break her?

What happens to us shapes us, but we decide who we are. Those of us who are fortunate enough to work with kids have a key–we need to focus on building strong children who learn the skills–including the skill of self-control–that will allow them make good decisions about what they will do and who they will become.

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you’ll go down in history!

Personal Growth

Do What?

Leave a comment

I like that we celebrate Labor Day by not working.

My morning email included yet another email diatribe from an acquaintance who is clearly addicted to forwarding email. Dealing with his email isn’t really much work–I will usually give it a five second scan and hit the delete button.  Since I’m not working today (mostly) I gave it ten seconds. This one was a real rant and rave about the Social Security “problem” and politicians in general, closing with:

YEAH, OK, SO WHEN DO WE GET P—— ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THIS CRAP?

95% of people won’t have the guts to forward this. I’m one of the 5%, I Just did.

He added the red for emphasis, I deleted the expletive. Perhaps because it’s a relatively leisurely day, I found myself a bit amused by the message. Permit me to paraphrase his words into the message I heard:

“I am so mad over all this crap I’m doing something about it–I’m clicking forward and sending this email to a bunch of people who probably don’t want it. It took a lot of courage for me to do this.”

I’m quite sure the world is a better place now–thanks to his courage and willingness to take on this huge task.  Call me a coward. I didn’t forward his email.

While I am a firm believer that there are times when “the work is the reward,” consideration should be given to what that work accomplishes. I know quite a few people who are (by their own admission) extremely busy. I occasionally want to ask, “What are you accomplishing?” On the occasions when I have, the reply is most often a blank stare.

I do ask myself that question fairly often–because it’s very easy to kid yourself into thinking you’re working really hard when all you’re actually doing is being busy.

Don’t confuse activity with accomplishment.