It could be just as simple as a note sent to school… that doesn’t say the dog ate Sally’s homework. It says, “Thanks for being Sally’s teacher.”
Teachers provide so much to our students—inspiration, motivation and, ultimately, their futures. They change the lives of millions of children every day, and their work and impact extends far beyond the boundaries of the classroom.
If you’d like a certificate or ready made card:
One of the kids at school was having, by her own admission, a challenging and frustrating day last week. She shared with me a somewhat amusing but also very effective coping mechanism that involved “centering” herself with a mantra announcing she was a happy flower and not an angry tree. This was accompanied by appropriate hand signals that mocked a blossoming flower. I love that she recognizes she has the power of choice.
I’ve also come to truly love her analogy and metaphor. I’d like to use it to share some thoughts regarding the recent tragedy resulting in the loss of Corporal Cole’s life.
Let me first assure you, that incident turned me into a bit of angry tree as it did so many. You do not have to spend much time on Facebook to realize that anger and frustration were common emotions. One of the things we “like” about social media is the feeling of “shared emotions.”
You also do not have to spend much time on Facebook to be somewhat frightened by the depth of those emotions–some bordering on pure rage. I am both surprised and not surprised at some of the suggestions being posted, many seeking revenge. There are many angry trees with roots that run deep and, in some cases, border on violent in and of themselves.
As someone who works with kids a lot, I am troubled by the example we often set on social media. When I read some of the comments regarding what should happen to John Williams, the alleged killer of Corporal Cole, I find myself wondering if these people and their comments truly represent the society we live in and, more importantly, the society we hope our kids will create.
But then I stumble on to a post by a Mom I know in a different part of the state. She announces that she and her daughter are headed to the local police station with a note written by her daughter and some accompanying “treats.” Since it was posted publicly I’ve taken the liberty of sharing the note after “erasing” Delaney’s last name–I’m a bit OCD about confidentiality where kids are concerned.
She is, I think, going to create–maybe already is creating–the sort of society I would like to be part of, one with lots of “happy” flowers.
How about you?
There’s plenty of uncertainty about it but NetFlix appears to be planning a release of Season Two of the 13 Reasons Why series soon. As a result, it’s likely some teens and young adults will be rewatching season one–or possibly even watching it for the first time.
While this book and the resulting series need not be feared, those of us who are actively promoting suicide awareness and prevention are at least mildly disturbed that 13RW might seem to glorify suicide and, to quote an article written by a psychiatrist for the JED Foundation, “The suicide is graphically depicted, the young woman who dies is memorialized in unhelpful ways, the suicide seemingly results directly from the misdeeds perpetrated against her by others and Hannah is portrayed as a long suffering victim who, by her death, is taking vengeance on those who have wronged her.”
I’ve read the book. It’s not exactly an uplifting story.
However, knowledge is power. The consensus is that younger teens should not watch the show alone, although that may be unpreventable. It’s most important to be prepared to talk about the story and suicide. For every “Hannah Story” there are other stories with different choices and happier endings.
One of the values of 13RW may be the dialog it creates and the opportunity to consider how we help one another through life. I’ve devoted a . Several parents have told me they found the 13RW Talking points particularly helpful and have used them to have conversations with their children. There are also resources for teachers and school counselors.
If nothing else, please read the brief overview and specific recommendations published by the JED Foundation.
The message most missed by 13RW is that help is available. If you have any specific questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. And do not hesitate to contact a hotline/lifeline.
PS… I will be teaching a at the Guilford United Methodist Church on Tuesday, April 24, 2018. All are welcome!
I learn a lot from kids. And occasionally they remind me of important truths.
Last week I was in a kindergarten class. I always have fun introducing myself with the age appropriate explanation that there are two sounds, two syllables in my last name. The kids seem to enjoy blending the sounds to arrive at something approximating “Mr. Boomsma.” My activity with these little ones was to create a graph of the class’s favorite farm animal, so I also explained that I would be calling them up one at a time to select their favorite animal so we could glue its picture on the developing graph poster.
One little girl raised her hand high and, when I called on her, asked, “When we come up to do that, may we tell you our names?”
The very next day I attended a middle school science fair, primarily to take photographs. I know most of the kids and they know me. I was scanning the room for photo ops when a student walked over, stood beside me and said, “How are you, Mr. Boomsma?” Normally I have a happy snappy comeback like “If I were any better I’d have to be twins,” but for some reason I only said, “I’m okay.”
Perhaps because the answer was out of character she asked, “What’s wrong?” I briefly debated changing the answer to something more positive. But decided to be honest and share that I have been having some trouble with a pinched nerve that’s causing some trouble with my right arm and hand. She expressed genuine concern and encouragement. I was, to be honest, surprised. She’s not seemed to me to be overly compassionate. Now I realize that might have been because I haven’t given her the opportunity.
Those two incidents have something in common. They both demonstrate the fact that kids of all ages desire and need human connection. I fear too often we deny them the opportunity because we forget they are little human beings, not simply kids.
That kindergartener wanted me to know her and her classmates by name. It was a noble gesture on her part and perhaps a bit of a failure on my part. (In my defense we were pressed for time, but I still feel like I failed a little. They were sitting around me on the rug, so I couldn’t see the name tags on their desks.)
The middle schooler and I knew each other; it wasn’t about names but it was about connecting. I learned a long time ago not to read too much into kids’ behavior, but our encounter was out of character for both of us and did make me think. I am rarely less than happy and good when with students. She has not, historically expressed much interest in my well-being.
The simple truth is we connected in a way that was not usual. It matters far less why than the fact that it did. I certainly am not going to analyze it and remove the joy from it.
I am going to let these incidents serve as a reminder to view humans, regardless of size and age, as humans. We need to be interested in each other. We need to connect with each other.
Human connection doesn’t have to be hard or complex. It could just be wanting to know the other person’s name. In kindergarten it meant listening enthusiastically to a young fellow who insisted he has 6,000 horses and he rides each one every day. (I whispered to the teacher, “I’ll bet you’ve told him a billion times not to exaggerate!”) He gets a lot of points for excitement and enthusiasm. Accuracy is not so critical to the explanation of how much he likes horses.
Human connection could also just be about being interested in how another person is feeling. And, while I don’t recommend we answer with a detailed description of our many health woes, we might choose to put some thought and honesty into our replies.
Some of my favorite conversations with kids are the brief ones, walking through the halls. I’ll try to keep pace with someone and ask how the day is going or for something learned that day. Sometimes I’ll just ask, “Are you okay?” if they seem troubled. I’m not always prepared for the answers, but I try to remember it’s mostly about listening and connecting.
Kids are, I think, better at connecting than adults partly because they haven’t developed as many filters and while often prone to exaggeration, they generally are honest. I recall one conversation with a youngster whose rabbit had died. I mustered up my best empathy until he explained, “No problem. We’re getting a new one tomorrow.” If he’d been a little older I’d have suggested he consider teaching grief management. I suspect we might learn something from him.
Be open and willing to kids and adults. Don’t think of it as trying to be helpful, although that may be one of the results. Think of it as being interested and truly concerned. And that kid may be more interested in you than you realize. We are more alike than different. Why not share those alikes?
Kati Morton’s YouTube Channel will keep you watching! She’s high energy and entertaining… a licensed therapist who produces two videos per week on mental health topics.
While I’ve not “vetted” everything she’s produced, I previewed a few and was favorably impressed. She’s down to earth, not overly clinical, and covers a wide diversity of topics in an easy way. So her YouTube Channel has been added to my . A recent video shared some great information on how to talk with kids about school shootings.
Binge watching is allowed!