Tag Archives: thinking

Big Hearts, Causes and Friends, Maine Life, Small People

Happy Flowers, Angry Trees

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One of the kids at school was having, by her own admission, a challenging and frustrating day last week. She shared with me a somewhat amusing but also very effective coping mechanism that involved “centering” herself with a mantra announcing she was a happy flower and not an angry tree. This was accompanied by appropriate hand signals that mocked a blossoming flower.  I love that she recognizes she has the power of choice.

I’ve also come to truly love her analogy and metaphor. I’d like to use it to share some thoughts regarding the recent tragedy resulting in the loss of Corporal Cole’s life.

Let me first assure you, that incident turned me into a bit of angry tree as it did so many.  You do not have to spend much time on Facebook to realize that anger and frustration were common emotions. One of the things we “like” about social media is the feeling of “shared emotions.”

You also do not have to spend much time on Facebook to be somewhat frightened by the depth of those emotions–some bordering on pure rage. I am both surprised and not surprised at some of the suggestions being posted, many seeking revenge. There are many angry trees with roots that run deep and, in some cases, border on violent in and of themselves.

As someone who works with kids a lot, I am troubled by the example we often set on social media.  When I read some of the comments regarding what should happen to John Williams, the alleged killer of Corporal Cole, I find myself wondering if these people and their comments truly represent the society we live in and, more importantly, the society we hope our kids will create.

But then  I stumble on to a post by a Mom I know in a different part of the state. She announces that she and her daughter are headed to the local police station with a note written by her daughter and some accompanying “treats.” Since it was posted publicly I’ve taken the liberty of sharing the note after “erasing” Delaney’s last name–I’m a bit OCD about confidentiality where kids are concerned.

She is, I think, going to create–maybe already is creating–the sort of society I would like to be part of, one with lots of “happy” flowers.

How about you?

Communication, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth, Suicide Prevention

13 Reasons Why, Season Two…

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There’s plenty of uncertainty about it but NetFlix appears to be planning a release of Season Two of the 13 Reasons Why series soon. As a result, it’s likely some teens and young adults will be rewatching season one–or possibly even watching it for the first time.

While this book and the resulting series need not be feared, those of us who are actively promoting suicide awareness and prevention are at least mildly disturbed that 13RW might seem to glorify suicide and, to quote an article written by a psychiatrist for the JED Foundation, “The suicide is graphically depicted, the young woman who dies is memorialized in unhelpful ways, the suicide seemingly results directly from the misdeeds perpetrated against her by others and Hannah is portrayed as a long suffering victim who, by her death, is taking vengeance on those who have wronged her.”

I’ve read the book. It’s not exactly an uplifting story.

However, knowledge is power. The consensus is that younger teens should not watch the show alone, although that may be unpreventable. It’s most important to be prepared to talk about the story and suicide.  For every “Hannah Story” there are other stories with different choices and happier endings.

One of the values of 13RW may be the dialog it creates and the opportunity to consider how we help one another through life. I’ve devoted a .  Several parents have told me they found the 13RW Talking points particularly helpful and have used them to have conversations with their children. There are also resources for teachers and school counselors.

If nothing else, please read the brief overview and specific recommendations published by the JED Foundation.

The message most missed by 13RW is that help is available. If you have any specific questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me.  And do not hesitate to contact a hotline/lifeline.

PS… I will be teaching a at the Guilford United Methodist Church on Tuesday, April 24, 2018. All are welcome!

Bullying, Communication, Learning, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth, Suicide Prevention

Fast Talking Resource…

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Kati Morton’s YouTube Channel will keep you watching! She’s high energy and entertaining… a licensed therapist who produces two videos per week on mental health topics.

While I’ve not “vetted” everything she’s produced, I previewed a few and was favorably impressed. She’s down to earth, not overly clinical, and covers a wide diversity of topics in an easy way. So her YouTube Channel has been added to my .  A recent video shared some great information on how to talk with kids about school shootings.

Binge watching is allowed!

Communication, Personal Growth, School Programs, Substitute Teaching, Teaching

Show ‘N Tell Becomes Show ‘N Share…

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While working at school recently, I dropped by a classroom to pick up a couple of students for an activity. The class was finishing up a “Show ‘N Share,” so I had an opportunity to learn a few things about a contemporary toy and a somewhat bedraggled teddy bear.

For history and trivia buffs, Show ‘N Tell began as a toy combination record player and filmstrip viewer manufactured by General Electric in the mid-1960s. It was pretty high-tech stuff then.

Somehow, the concept has morphed over the years into what might be more accurately described as “Show ‘N Share.” For the educationally minded,  the activity meets the English Language Arts standards in Kindergarten and primary grades.

A not-so-subtle difference is that kids are actively learning more about the item instead of passively watching and listening. One of the things I particularly enjoyed and admired was watching the teacher facilitate the discussion. He was truly interested in the items and asked questions that demonstrated his interest.

A recent Trainer’s Warehouse Blog post made an interesting comparison between gossiping and asking questions. One suggestion was that gossiping is about bonding and it’s easier to bond by offering information than it is to ask questions. When we have a good gossip about someone or something, all we usually do is agree with each other and reinforce what we already believe.

But good questions can be much more effective when we are trying to establish a human connection.  For the few minutes I was part of the Show ‘N Share, I noticed the teacher used different types of questions. Most people are familiar with the difference between “closed-ended” questions (can be answered yes or no) and “open-ended” questions that require more information.  The teacher was asking both, but also varying between reflective questions (that make people think) and probing questions that cause the answerer to go deeper and provide more information. He didn’t use a lot of leading questions (that actually suggest the desired answer).

I’ve provided a stock photo of a teddy bear with this article for those wanting to develop their questioning skills. If a child brought it to Show N Share, what sorts of questions would you ask? An obvious one (probing question) is, “Why is he wearing a band-aid?” I might start with “Does he have a name?” (closed-ended) in an attempt to “get to know” who we’re talking about.

Show N Share is really about communication and conversation. We don’t always have a prop in conversation, but we do have a subject.

Some of the kids get really excited waiting for their turn to “show.” But we are also learning this is not just about showing and telling. Steven Covey once observed, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” I think he’s right. But if we understand Show ‘N Share, maybe we realize our reply might best be a good question.