Advanced Gatekeeper Training for School Administrators

NAMI has scheduled a training before school begins to allow administrators to attend.  Join them for this vital training on suicide prevention. The Advanced Gatekeeper for School Personnel was developed to support the deepening development of suicide prevention and intervention skills for people working in Maine’s school system.  The law mandating each school district to have a minimum number of Gatekeeper-trained staff requires the training be renewed after 5 years.  The Advanced Gatekeeper Training provides additional information about addressing self-injury, assessing suicide risk, safety planning, managing social media and other topics of interest to school personnel. This session is reserved for school administrators only.  There is NO COST for this training session scheduled on August 16, 2018.  Click here to register.


WB Note: Class is scheduled to be taught by Greg Marley… he’s a great instructor, I’ve taken several of his classes!

Action on Facebook May Make Sense

This morning I reported a Facebook post. A friend of a friend posted what would clearly be considered suicidal thoughts.  A number of Facebook friends had commented with words of encouragement, advice, and, thankfully, hotline numbers. Let me share some important thoughts about situations like this.

  1. Many people do not realize there is a mechanism for reporting this on Facebook (use the feedback menu). I received a clearly automated reply within an hour and can’t really say how effective the process is. In theory, Facebook investigates the post and may contact the poster. In their reply to me, they did include resources and suggestions I could take. Personally, I would not rely solely on a Facebook report as an intervention but see it as a tool.
  2. It is very important that any suicidal threats or ideation be taken seriously. Frankly, social media encourages a certain amount of drama. I ignore most of it but when suicide or self-harm is mentioned, an action is required. It’s not just on social media. I know a young fellow who mentions suicide every time he gets in trouble. His family is convinced he does it to deflect attention from his behavior, but I tell them to always take the threat seriously.
  3. Early intervention is always a key. While there aren’t many absolutes, typically a downward spiral precedes the immediate threat. If we can “catch” someone before they hit bottom, it’s possible to avert the crisis.
  4. Suicide prevention training will help you understand who is at the greatest risk and help you recognize warning signs. It is important that the workshop is research-based, not merely a “feel good” program. I used a NAMI approved curriculum which meets the legal requirements for those who are employed by public schools but is not overly clinical.

I am now in the process of scheduling workshops for the fall… if you’re interested in attending, let me know!

Note the crisis numbers listed here are for Maine. If you need assistance finding resources in your state, let me know. The National crisis hotline number is 1-800-273-TALK.

Thanks, Dad!

First written and published in 1996, a previous version of this article won the “best story about fishing with Dad” award from the Northwoods Sporting Journal in 2007. It’s also a chapter to Small People — Big Brains by Mr. Boomsma. I remember this day often and especially on Father’s Day.  This year I thought I’d share it. 


“This shouldn’t be happening…” according to Ivan – my friend, father-in-law and erstwhile guide to Maine water. He wasn’t complaining though. I was otherwise occupied with my third bass in less than thirty minutes.

Ivan was my father-in-law by marriage. He was my friend by choice. We shared an understanding of the difference between “going fishing” and “catching fish.” We agreed that “going fishing” is as enjoyable as “catching fish.”

We had spent the morning fishing—working the edges of the pond with very little action. We were ready for some catching, so we dropped anchor, switched to ultra-lights, and started soaking night crawlers in anticipation of a few yellow perch.

This was proving mildly successful when the bass we had been after all morning started interfering with our perch fishing. No doubt a more technically oriented fisherman could explain what happened. We were satisfied with simply enjoying it until a fall storm forced us off the lake.

Later as we sat by the fire with our post-trip libations I found my mind wandering back to another time when something happened that shouldn’t have while fishing. It was a lesson that I never forgot.

My father was hooked on fishing. I think he waited until I was walking before he bought me my first pole. It was an unbreakable steel rod (not much action). The little stream that ran through our yard was never more than ankle deep. My ankles weren’t very far from terra firma at that age, so I was allowed to “go fishing” on my own. I lost a lot of hooks in that little brook. If Dad wasn’t around, I’d switch to a safety pin when my hooks were gone. I had to keep fishing. I had to be just like him.

I figured the reason he went across the road to the big river was to leave all the fish in the little brook for me. The fact that I never caught anything did nothing to dissuade me from the idea that Dad was the most unselfish person I knew. The reason he nearly always came home with trout was simply that he was bigger than I and had more experience. I didn’t truly appreciate his patience then as he tried to teach a bumbling, excited five-year-old the fine points of casting and bait placement.

Finally, he and Mom decided I was “big enough” to go with him across the road. My patience was strained to the maximum while we sat through Mom’s lecture about “keeping an eye on me.” My safety pin was removed and replaced with a real hook and off we went on my very first guided trip.

The river was overwhelming but not intimidating. I knew about currents from sailing my boats in the brook. Dad positioned me near a pool my five-year-old arms could reach. He reviewed casting techniques and suggested I just let my worm follow the current. I was warned not to tell Mom about it later, but he was going downstream where he knew there was a big one.

I could see that the techniques I’d been using weren’t going to work. On the little brook, I could always wade in and put my worm exactly where I wanted it. Now I was forced to cast a whole three feet and use nearly all my line. It took what seemed like an eternity to get the wrist action necessary.

On my fifteenth cast, I had that old familiar feeling that meant another lost hook. It wouldn’t do to lose it on my first trip to the big river. So I crossed my fingers (making it hard to hold the pole) and pulled hard. The worm and hook went flying over my shoulder. A little scared now; I realized I had to keep trying even though danger lurked below.

By the time I was reaching the current after only three false casts (false in this context meaning wrong), I was convinced that the bump I was feeling was a bite. Dad had described the feeling in intimate detail and even though I had never experienced it before, I was firmly convinced this was it.

Meanwhile Dad—either out of a desire to try different water or the memory of Mom’s lecture—was coming close. I wanted to watch how he got his line out so far, but I was too busty trying to nab my very first trout. Soon he was standing at my side. “Catching anything?”

I replied that I hadn’t yet, but was about to. He asked for my pole so he could see what was going on. His cast was flawless but his drift didn’t last any longer than mine. How long does it take for five feet of line to play out? He reeled in, handed me back the pole and announced, “Try the next pool. What you’re feeling is the bottom as your worm bumps along.” Then he moved upstream.

What a dilemma! Dad was always right and he always has my best interest at heart. But I was sure he was wrong this time. Or was he? Either way, would continuing to fish this pool be disobedient? If he saw me would he be hurt because I hadn’t listened? And why had he smiled if there was no fish there?

After this great inner battle, I invoked the standard just-a-little-longer logic of all fishermen. I concentrated so hard my head hurt. Cast. Bump. Nothing. Cast. Bump. Yank. Nothing. Cast Bump. Yank…
Something flew over my head that was bigger than my worm. I spun around and saw the trout flapping on the bank. It freed itself from my hook and was working its way back to the river! I pounced on it with a tackle that would make a football coach proud. As I wrestled with my monster I looked up and saw Dad watching. His grin went from ear-to-ear and maybe even around the back of his head. “Got one, did you? Well, I’m surprised! I haven’t caught a thing. Let’s take all eight inches of it home and show Mom.”

She never let on if she tired of hearing all the details of that fine catch. And she seemed genuinely amazed when Dad told her that I had showed him up because he was convinced there should not have been a fish where I caught mine.

Age has not diminished my love of fishing. I still get excited. I still make false (defined as wrong) casts. And I still use the just-a-little-longer theory. I’ve given up on safety pins though. And I wonder about my first trout.

I have a theory about that first trout. For years I was proud that I had figured out something Dad hadn’t and I told everyone who would listen. (And sometimes people who wouldn’t.) Like all fishing trips, my first trip to the big river has improved with time and my fish has gotten bigger. But I no longer think I outsmarted Dad.

I think he knew that trout was there.

And I think he knew what would happen when I caught it. For one, he knew that hooking that trout would hook me on fishing. More importantly,  he knew I’d learn by experience what independence and self reliance truly are. In fishing and in life there are always “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” There will always be “reliable sources” and truths. But the greatest resource each of us has is inside us.

My resource was tested several years after catching my first trout when my Dad died. But then and through the many years since that resource has been there and, in a very real sense so has Dad. He guided me to my first trout and led me to believe in myself.

Thanks, Dad.


In memory of Walter Boomsma, Sr.
1926–1954

The Awkward Moment

We all have them; we all encounter them. If you attend one of my Suicide Awareness Programs, you’ll learn that one of my favorite questions is “Are you okay?” This four-minute video provides some insights into what can happen when the answer is “No.”

While the video does, in the end, encourage Mental Health First Aid training, I think it also makes the point that it’s not necessary to be a professional to be helpful. It’s mostly about listening, caring, and asking questions.

One “awkward” conversation I remember took place with someone I only knew casually. She just didn’t seem to be acting right, so I asked the question, “Are you okay?” She replied that she was not; she had just been diagnosed with stage four cancer. I asked her to tell me more and it was as though a floodgate had been opened. I said very little, acknowledging what she was saying and asking an occasional question.

Suddenly, she stopped–almost mid-sentence and said, “Most people don’t like talking about this.” I replied that it was not news I enjoyed hearing but that it seemed to me we needed to talk about it.” (Perhaps more accurately, she needed to talk about it.) We talked for about an hour about her feelings and plans. I really didn’t say much.

My point in telling the story is that “mental health” doesn’t mean crazy nor are conversations always going to be about suicide and depression. Sometimes it’s just about being a person and living with life challenges. We really can do a better job of helping each other, if only by listening, caring, and asking questions.

If you are interested in Mental Health First Aid training, you can click here for more information or let me know–I’ll be happy to help you locate a course.

Memorial Day, 2018

I’ll wait for the sun to come up before hanging out the flag, a personal tradition that marks the beginning of another Memorial Day.  Being a bit of a nostalgic person, it does not escape me that the name of this day is about “serving to preserve remembrance.” In that sense,  this day and the events it includes serve an important purpose and, serves important audiences.

Those with a need for precision point out that in the truest sense, Memorial Day is meant to remember and honor those who died while serving their county, whereas Veterans’ Day is meant to honor those who served but are still alive. I have no need for this precision because I’m sure we can never honor either group too much.

But I do think it’s important that we remember that Memorial Day serves us, the living, in addition to honoring those who gave all. We should be reminded that there are times when we may be called to give value to something greater than life itself. It is a sobering thought. What would I willing to die for?

Today we honor hundreds of thousands who answered that question and placed a higher value on something other than their own lives. When we see those stones with flags in front of them we can and should feel some sadness. But we should also celebrate the choices each of them made. The reasons may have been different for each but the reality is something became more important than staying alive.

We are all given the ability to make that choice, not all of us will have the opportunity.

For me, today has always been a day of both sadness and joy. I am sad that many gave their lives for something bigger than life itself. And yet I am grateful–happy is too strong a word–that so many have done so willingly.

When someone rushes into a burning building to save occupants… when a teacher places himself between a shooter and his students… there is cause to celebrate our humanity.  And whenever we put the needs of others above our own, we are demonstrating and celebrating our humanity. It can start small. Letting someone else go first through the intersection or ahead of us in the line at the grocery store just might be, at some level, heroic even though you don’t have to die to do it.

 

Walter Boomsma (“Mr. Boomsma”) writes on a wide array of topics including personal development, teaching and learning. Course information is also available here!