Causes and Friends, Learning, Maine Life, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

Am I Okay?

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You don’t have to know me too well to know that one of my favorite questions is “Are you okay?” During this pandemic, it’s become a more important question and I’ve found myself asking people the question in various forms.

Unfortunately, I forgot to ask myself that question until recently when, I realized that, for various reasons, I was not okay. In short form, I was allowing “things” outside myself exact a mental and emotional toll that was less than healthy.

I kicked some self-care strategies into gear and am pleased to report I’m better. I’m not inclined to declare myself “okay” yet, not fully. But I’m a lot more okay than I was a month ago.

In a strange irony, the writers’ group I belong to posed some interesting survey questions recently. “What did lockdown teach you about yourself, your creativity, and your author business? For those that are now moving through the unlocking phase, what will you do differently creatively, personally and business-wise?” Since it’s a writer’s group, they were open-ended questions, not survey style.

While the pandemic is far from over, let me share with you some of the lessons I’m learning.

I’ve already at least hinted at the importance of “self-care” and asking “Am I okay?” It’s important to figure out what “centers” us–what keeps us grounded and focused. It’s about calming our emotions and slowing our minds. For me, writing is very effective and I realized that I hadn’t been. So I started writing–following my own advice regarding writer’s block. Just write. Don’t think. In the past thirty days, I’ve produced an amazing journal that, hopefully, no one will ever read. I’ll continue writing for myself but it has prepared me to start writing for others. If you haven’t noticed, this is my first blog post in some months.

Lesson 1: Ask yourself if you are okay. Spend some energy getting centered using whatever techniques work for you.

While it conflicts with the traditional writer image, I also have come to realize that human contact is important to me. While there are many times the idea of locking myself away to write, write, write, I know I wouldn’t last very long. I consider myself an introvert–that surprises many people–but I also like and need human contact. We all do. Solitary confinement is a punishment. Terms like “lockdown” and “quarantine” are troubling. If I could change the vocabulary, I wish we’d talk about physical distancing instead of social distancing.

Lesson 2: Make a conscious effort to reach across physical separation to stay close and connected to others.

When restrictions were implemented, I was teaching three real estate courses with a total enrollment of about 75 students. I’ve always said that I teach students, not courses but the reality of that became undeniable. Since we couldn’t assemble for classes, it took time and creativity to stay on track. Thus, I became acutely aware of the importance of technology as we move forward–not just through COVID-19 but through life as we know it.

There was a strange dichotomy in this–while I was physically distant from those students, I became more “intimate” with many of them as they shared their challenges… a single dad who suddenly found himself with homeschooling his three kids, a mom who works in health care and is afraid for her child who has asthma, students who found it difficult to concentrate. The list at times seemed endless.

I do not believe, as many do, that technology is a solution to most problems, but it becomes an important tool. I’m a bit amazed at how much technology I’ve adopted in the past several months. We didn’t have classes but we did have email, texting, phone calls, video conferencing, social media… I adopted the slogan that we would “stay the course.” There was never a question of what we would accomplish. We did have to keep asking how we would accomplish it.

Lesson #3 Embrace technology without making it an all or nothing proposition. Technology is a tool–it doesn’t replace anything and shouldn’t be the only tool we use.

Humans love predictability–we actually depend on it. We are currently living with a lot of uncertainty. When I started writing in an attempt to get “centered” I realized how important it is to occasionally focus on what hasn’t and won’t change. I didn’t write a list but once I started thinking about it, there’s a lot that won’t change. The law of gravity is a place to start, there’s no indication that’s going to change any time soon. It might seem silly but it’s about getting started and recognizing it’s not something you finish. It’s really about changing focus.

Personally, I’m learning to hate the phrase “new normal” almost as much as I find “we’re all in this together” annoying. While it’s true that COVID-19 affects everyone it’s equally true that it affects everyone differently. For that reason, I believe we each have the ability to largely control and develop our own “new normal.” We just have to get centered and focused, stay connected to others, and use technology and other tools as we move forward through time.

Conclusion: We do not have to be a victim of COVID-19 or anything else that comes along.

Causes and Friends, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene

NAMI Maine Launches teen text support line

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Lots of things are different right now for teens in Maine due to COVID-19, and that can feel overwhelming. It’s important for Maine’s teens to talk about their feelings and get support from another young person.

You are not alone!
Send the Teen Text Support Line a text at (207) 515-8398.

We’re here for you every day from 12pm – 10pm. This peer support text line is for youth 14-20 years old and staffed by individuals between 19 – 23 years of age. 

Please note, the Teen Text Support Line is not a crisis line.
If you believe that you or someone you know could be in crisis, please do not hesitate to connect with these local and national resources:

  • Maine’s Statewide Crisis Line: (888) 568-1112 (call or text)
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (or online chat here)
  • National Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Learning, Personal Growth, School Programs, Teaching

Dear Parent…

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One of the educational forums I visit regularly has a recently started thread asking teachers to share the letter to homeschooling parents they wish they could write. Needless to say, there are some funny ones… and some that have quite an edge on them. After all, it’s somewhat normal to criticize teachers and blame them for behavioral issues and any lack of learning. Right now, the shoe is on the other foot.

Social media has also given rise to some funny stuff that acknowledges homeschooling may prove that the business of teaching and learning is not so easy. “If you drive by and see the kids outside and the doors locked, it’s because we’re having a fire drill.”

And the cartoons! Since Dad sometimes fills the role of “principal” I also liked the one where it’s apparent the Mom Teacher has threatened the Child Student with being sent to the Dad Principal. The child points out that the principal is sitting on the couch in his underwear.

It’s great that we’re having fun with this… and it may turn out that parents end up with a greater appreciation for teachers and the school environment. I hope so because I don’t think we fully appreciate some of the advantages the school environment provides.

One of the big ones is that schools are designed as a learning environment–learning is the norm and it’s an obvious expectation. Everything from the furniture to what’s hanging on the walls in the classroom is about learning. When you walk into a school building there is no doubt over what is going on inside

If I were writing to parents about the current situation, I’d be tempted to ask a question, particularly to those who are finding homeschooling a challenge. Is your home a learning environment?

I’m not suggesting that homes should look like a school, although for homeschooling there should be some specific physical learning areas if that’s possible. I am asking whether or not learning–and the value and fun of learning come through clearly.

A downside of “school,” is that some kids come to “hate” it. I wrote a piece a while back about an adult student who advised that she was “sick of learning.” (.) I sincerely hoped she was sick of being taught–that’s fundamentally different. There’s a difference. Learning is a natural process that we instinctively embrace. One of my classroom rules is that we are going to enjoy learning. Or at least try!

Learning should be about curiosity, exploration, and fun. Those are things that shouldn’t be limited to a classroom. In fact, the classroom has a disadvantage on this point. Due to the need for assessments and grades, it’s easy to lose sight of the fun.

When I’m teaching adults one of the more fun things is when parents share stories about how their kids view the parent’s learning. There’s a connection that can lead to some funny things. Sharing is important because it makes learning natural. I will always remember the Mom who arrived for a class starting with a quiz. She said that her young son warned her before she left, “Mom if you don’t pass today, there will be no electronics for the week.” He was quite serious. While it was funny, it also means that quizzes and tests are part of the family environment. And so are the consequences! Creating a learning environment can be as simple as a kid who sees Mom or Dad reading. Learning becomes a way of life.

I remember once being behind a woman towing a toddler through a store. The toddler was in the “why?” stage which can be very tiring. When he asked his question, Mom replied with her own question, “What do you think?”

There’s a lot to like about that response. It reflects that thinking is valued. It acknowledges that curiosity and exploration are a way of life. A child being raised in that environment will learn.

So if homeschooling is a current challenge, remember to teach the joy of learning–don’t just do worksheets and follow schedules. Kids may not want to sit down and complete worksheets and other tasks but they are curious and they will enjoy learning if we give them the chance.

Causes and Friends, Communication, Just for Fun, Learning, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Using social media

A couple of resources

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I did share this on Mr. Boomsma’s Facebook Page and have had some good feedback… “sheltering in place” (or whatever we call it) is particularly hard on teens. Parents may find this site helpful!

How to Help Teens Shelter in Place

I have always been a fan of the JED Foundation… you’ll find links elsewhere on the site. They’ve recently announced a new project based on the truth that

“Love is louder than the distance between us.”

Visit the Love is Louder Action Center
Causes and Friends, Mental Health, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

While you’re washing…

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I’m chuckling a bit at the number of posts and emails that include the reminder to “wash your hands.” Since it’s likely that most folks are remembering that task, I have a different reminder for you. While washing your hands, consider using the same 20 seconds to “wash” your head and heart.

While some may question whether or not we are overestimating the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, I’m concerned that we are underestimating the mental and emotional impact. Therefore, I’m recommending we engage in some “mental and emotional hygiene” to accompany the physical.

This is truly a catastrophic event with a lot of uncertainty. What makes it different than most is that it’s gone on for a while now and is very likely to continue. It is very easy to get focused on the “problem” and the uncertainties. Before we know it, we find ourselves feeling anxious and perhaps depressed.

We may not be able to solve the problem or correct all the uncertainties but we can change how we are thinking about them. When we get caught in the wrong focus we are no longer problem-solving, we are just chewing on the problem. (Guy Winch calls this “ruminating”–more about that later.)

Since it’s easy to end up there, I’m suggesting we let our physical hygiene practice remind us to do some emotional hygiene. While washing our hands, let’s remember to do a quick check of our state of mind. Over the past few days, I’ve found it necessary to do just that! During those 20 seconds, we can remind ourselves that we may need to boost our own self-esteem and remind ourselves that humans have come through many catastrophes, trials, and tribulations. We’ll get through this.

This is sometimes achieved through “centering” — a technique for remaining grounded, calm and relaxed in the face of stress. We may not be able to control the world around us but we can manage ourselves. While most people wouldn’t associate handwashing with centering, some simple techniques include deep breathing, meditation, music, and distraction. Different things work for different people, so you may choose to experiment. At a minimum, every time you wash up, remember to lighten up. Take a few deep breaths and look at the world differently.

Five Ways to Improve Your Emotional Health is an excellent article in Psychology Today by Guy Winch. It’s a quick read and doesn’t include any clinical mumbo jumbo. It also includes a link to his TED Talk which I highly recommend! There’s also a link to it on the of this website.

Walter Boomsma (“Mr. Boomsma”) writes on a wide array of topics including personal development, teaching and learning. Course information is also available here!