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	<title>Writing Humor &#8211; Brain leaks and musings by &quot;Mr. Boomsma,&quot; educator and author</title>
	<atom:link href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/category/writing-humor/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>https://wboomsma.com</link>
	<description>Walter Boomsma (“Mr. Boomsma”) writes on a wide array of topics including personal development, teaching and learning. Course information is also available here!</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Wed, 28 May 2014 10:26:35 +0000</lastBuildDate>
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		<title>So, you&#8217;re a writer?</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2014/05/28/so-youre-a-writer/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 May 2014 10:26:35 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Just for Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Writing Skills]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[They say that &#8220;truth is stranger than fiction&#8230;&#8221; Well, sometimes truth is funnier than fiction too!]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>They say that &#8220;truth is stranger than fiction&#8230;&#8221; Well, sometimes truth is funnier than fiction too!</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">910</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>In The Beginning Was The Internet&#8230;</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2013/08/26/in-the-beginning-was-the-internet/</link>
					<comments>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2013/08/26/in-the-beginning-was-the-internet/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Aug 2013 12:05:48 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Just for Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[social media]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[systems]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false"></guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I wish I could claim authorship of this, but I can&#8217;t. Second best would be if I could identify the author, but like so much that comes via forwarded email or social media posts, any original claims have disappeared&#8230; and, of course, I mean no disrespect of religion by posting here, I just thought it &#8230; <a href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2013/08/26/in-the-beginning-was-the-internet/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">In The Beginning Was The Internet&#8230;</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>I wish I could claim authorship of this, but I can&#8217;t. Second best would be if I could identify the author, but like so much that comes via forwarded email or social media posts, any original claims have disappeared&#8230; and, of course, I mean no disrespect of religion by posting here, I just thought it was extremely creative and pretty darn funny!</em></p>
<hr />
<p><a href="http://walterwrites.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/dot_com_scaffolding_400_clr_9794.png"><img data-recalc-dims="1" fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-731" alt="dot_com_scaffolding_400_clr_9794" src="http://walterwrites.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/dot_com_scaffolding_400_clr_9794.png?w=300&#038;resize=300%2C168" width="300" height="168" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/wboomsma.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/dot_com_scaffolding_400_clr_9794.png?w=400&amp;ssl=1 400w, https://i0.wp.com/wboomsma.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/dot_com_scaffolding_400_clr_9794.png?resize=300%2C169&amp;ssl=1 300w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></a>In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy.</p>
<p>And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.</p>
<p>And she said unto Abraham, her husband, &#8220;Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?&#8221;</p>
<p>And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, &#8220;How, dear?&#8221;</p>
<p>And Dot replied, &#8220;I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah&#8217;s Pony Stable (UPS).&#8221;</p>
<p>Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.</p>
<p>And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.</p>
<p>To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures &#8211; Hebrew To The People (HTTP).</p>
<p>And the young men did take to Dot Com&#8217;s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.</p>
<p>And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land.  Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates&#8217; drumheads and drumsticks.</p>
<p>And Dot did say, &#8220;Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.&#8221;</p>
<p>And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known&#8230;</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">730</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Don&#8217;t Do It!</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2012/10/04/dont-do-it/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Oct 2012 22:31:36 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[achievement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[courage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[With thanks to Marilyn&#8230; A chicken walked over to a duck that was standing on the side of the road.  The chicken said, “Don’t do it, man. You’ll never hear the end of it!”]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>With thanks to Marilyn&#8230;</em></p>
<p>A chicken walked over to a duck that was standing on the side of the road.  The chicken said, “Don’t do it, man. You’ll never hear the end of it!”</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">383</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>Chuckle Your Way To Better Grammar</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2012/06/26/chuckle-your-way-to-better-grammar/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Jun 2012 11:44:06 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Writing Skills]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[education]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grammar]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[As one who often deals with the writing of others I&#8217;m fond of humor as a way to avoid becoming depressed over the profound lack of good grammar in America. The discovery of a website called &#8220;The Oatmeal&#8221; has not only improved my state of mind, it also has improved my understanding of semi-colons: &#8220;The most feared &#8230; <a href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2012/06/26/chuckle-your-way-to-better-grammar/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Chuckle Your Way To Better Grammar</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As one who often deals with the writing of others I&#8217;m fond of humor as a way to avoid becoming depressed over the profound lack of good grammar in America. The discovery of a website called &#8220;The Oatmeal&#8221; has not only improved my state of mind, it also has improved my understanding of semi-colons: &#8220;<a href="http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon" target="_blank">The most feared punctuation on earth</a>.&#8221; The comic is available as a poster; one that should probably be on the walls of high school classrooms around the country. (Note use of semi-colon in that sentence.)</p>
<p>Additonal comics/posters include an explanation of the word <em>literally</em>. &#8220;This comic will LITERALLY make butterflies explode out of your underpants.&#8221; (It did not; that appears to be the point.) Ditto the comic/poster containing ten words you really need to stop mispelling.</p>
<p>The site is not just about grammar; (another semicolon) there are comics about technology, cats, food, and animals. Some is admittedly a bit absurd. If you do click this link, lock the door and silence your phone&#8211;you will be busy for a while:</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="http://theoatmeal.com/">http://theoatmeal.com/</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>Should I be on Facebook?</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2011/08/12/should-i-be-on-facebook/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 12 Aug 2011 14:22:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://walterwrites.wordpress.com/?p=47</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m not a big fan of forwarded emails&#8230; I can probably count on one hand the number of emails I forward each month. And even then, I don&#8217;t just send it to everybody in my address book. What follows is one I recently received that seemed to have some merit, particularly for the &#8220;over 50&#8221; &#8230; <a href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2011/08/12/should-i-be-on-facebook/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Should I be on Facebook?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>I&#8217;m not a big fan of forwarded emails&#8230; I can probably count on one hand the number of emails I forward each month. And even then, I don&#8217;t just send it to everybody in my address book. What follows is one I recently received that seemed to have some merit, particularly for the &#8220;over 50&#8221; crowd.</em></p>
<p><em>Unfortunately, the Internet is a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand, privacy ceases to exist if your&#8217;re not careful. Oddly, the identity of original authors also seems to disappear. So we&#8217;ll attribute this to &#8220;anonymous&#8221; which is unfortunate because I bet a lot of people will adopt his or her answer to the &#8220;paper or plastic&#8221; question. Anonymous writes,</em></p>
<p>When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the thirty-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures, and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great-grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.</p>
<p>That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.</p>
<p>My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.</p>
<p>The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue Tooth [it&#8217;s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.</p>
<p>The GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, &#8220;Re-calc-u-lating.&#8221; You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead&#8230; Well, it was not a good relationship.</p>
<p>When I get really lost now, I call my wife and<span id="more-47"></span> tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy the GPS lady, at least she loves me.</p>
<p>To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven&#8217;t figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.</p>
<p>The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden &#8220;Paper or plastic?&#8221; every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.</p>
<p>Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, &#8220;Paper or plastic?&#8221; I just say, &#8220;Doesn&#8217;t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.&#8221; Then it&#8217;s their turn to stare at me with a blank look.</p>
<p>I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, &#8220;No, but I do toot a lot.&#8221;</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">47</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>My Hero!</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/09/30/my-hero/</link>
					<comments>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/09/30/my-hero/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 30 Sep 2010 22:21:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grammar]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://walterwrites.wordpress.com/?p=32</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m very selective when it comes to identifying mentors and role models. I can only think of a handful of people who I&#8217;d give that label. One guy who gets a lot of credit for whatever writing skills I might have is my high school English Teacher, Tony Russo. Tony not only taught me to &#8230; <a href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/09/30/my-hero/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Hero!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;m very selective when it comes to identifying mentors and role models. I can only think of a handful of people who I&#8217;d give that label. One guy who gets a lot of credit for whatever writing skills I might have is my high school English Teacher, Tony Russo. Tony not only taught me to write, he taught me to think. I&#8217;ve occasionally speculated that he might have regretted doing so during some class discussions and debates on topics ranging from Hamlet to academic freedom. Fortunately here we are some 45 years later and he and I are still in contact.</p>
<p>One of the running amusements we share is that after all these years I still have trouble keeping analogies, metaphors, and similies straight. So it perhaps will come as no surprise that when I recently reported being as &#8220;busy as a one-armed paper-hanger with diarrehea,&#8221; I also confessed that I wasn&#8217;t sure which it was. Here is Tony&#8217;s response:</p>
<p><em>Here’s the thing, you have created an analogy to describe your current situation, i.e. you are currently as busy as, but you are not actually, a one-armed paperhanger with diarrhea. On the other hand, metaphorically speaking, you have replaced yourself with the one-armed paperhanger with diarrhea, thus creating a metaphor. I’ll bet you had no idea that you were so agile with turning a phrase. My advice, don’t sweat the small stuff. 99 and 44/100ths% of your readers will never know the difference anyway, and even if they do, they really don’t give a shit, no pun intended, but I must admit that if one were intended, it wouldn’t be all that bad.</em></p>
<p>I would observe that I am not the only one who is agile with turning a phrase&#8230; and I&#8217;m a bit relieved that I apparently no longer need to worry about whether I&#8217;m using a metaphor, analogy, or simile.</p>
<p>But I&#8217;ll bet I do.</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">32</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Did You Mean&#8230;?</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/09/01/did-you-mean/</link>
					<comments>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/09/01/did-you-mean/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 01 Sep 2010 10:31:42 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[goofs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://walterwrites.wordpress.com/?p=21</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This came with no provenance&#8230; and while I haven&#8217;t verified any, I can see how they could be true. Unfortunately, mistakes like this are not limited to writers for whom English is a second language! It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man. Sign in a Bangkok Temple  Ladies &#8230; <a href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/09/01/did-you-mean/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Did You Mean&#8230;?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This came with no provenance&#8230; and while I haven&#8217;t verified any, I can see how they could be true. Unfortunately, mistakes like this are not limited to writers for whom English is a second language!</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">Sign in a Bangkok Temple</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> <strong><em>Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">Cocktail lounge, Norway:</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em><span id="more-21"></span>Drop your trousers here for the best results.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">Dry cleaners, Bangkok</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">In a Nairobi restaurant</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help!</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">On a poster at Kencom</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">In a cemetery</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting things in bed.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">Tokyo hotel&#8217;s rules and regulations</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest Camping Site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for this purpose.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">A sign posted in Germany &#8216;s Black Forest</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">Hotel, Zurich</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><strong><em>Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.</em></strong></p>
<p style="text-align:right;">A laundry in Rome</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">21</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>Proper English</title>
		<link>https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/08/13/proper-english/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Walter]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 Aug 2010 10:59:38 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Writing Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://walterwrites.wordpress.com/?p=5</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded he drove to the reservation and handed his certificate to the medicine man. &#8230; <a href="https://wboomsma.com/index.php/2010/08/13/proper-english/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Proper English</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded he drove to the reservation and handed his certificate to the medicine man.</p>
<p>The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected. You take only<span id="more-1437"></span> a teaspoonful, and then say &#8216;1-2-3.&#8217; When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.&#8221;</p>
<p>The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, &#8220;How do I stop the medicine from working?&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Your partner must say &#8216;1-2-3-4,'&#8221; he responded. &#8220;But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.&#8221;</p>
<p>He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said,&#8221;1-2-3!&#8221; Immediately, he was the manliest of men.</p>
<p>His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, &#8220;What was the 1-2-3 for?&#8221;</p>
<p>And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.</p>
<p style="text-align:right;"><em>Author unknown</em></p>
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