Tag Archives: life

Resources You Should Know

These resources came in part from an e-newseltter from Maine Senator Stacy Guerin. All are free and I have “vetted” them.

Anyone affected by the violence in Lewiston is encouraged to reach out and connect with behavioral health support. Incidents of mass violence can lead to a range of emotional reactions, including anxiety, fear, anger, despair and a sense of helplessness that may begin immediately or in the days or weeks following the event.

Seek help immediately if you or someone you know is talking about suicide, feelings of hopelessness or unbearable pain, or about being a burden to others.

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911.

For those in need of immediate support:

Call or text 988: This suicide and behavioral health crisis hotline is answered 24 hours a day, seven days a week by trained crisis specialists offering free, confidential support for anyone. Specialists also can respond by chat at 988lifeline.org. Information for the deaf and hard of hearing is available here.

Text “Hello” to 741 741. (Actually, any word will do!) The Crisis Text Line is data-driven and has an excellent track record. Highly recommended for teens and youth.

Clinicians, educators and first responders can call (800) 769-9819: The FrontLine WarmLine offers free support services to help these professionals manage the stress of responding to disasters from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., seven days a week.

If you’re unsure, contact 211. It provides general information, including how to access behavioral health and social service resources 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Information can also be found at 211maine.org.

All of these resources provide free, confidential support.

The State of Maine has created a dedicated webpage with these and other resources, including online support and resources for children and families.

Please share this post freely. Be sensitive to your friends and neighbors and if they seem to be troubled, do not hesitate to show that you care and listen. You can even offer to help them contact one of these helpful resources.

How Many Priorities Should You Have?

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”

Steven Covey

Busyness has always interested me. In 2017, I wrote an article called “Just How Busy Are You, Really?” It attempted to create some thinking about prioritizing and how being “busy” can become a status symbol. Several years later, the question became, “You’re Not Busy, Are You?” It took a slightly different slant but raised some of the same questions about busyness. You may want to read both later. First, let me share how a young Amish girl drove it home recently.

We met some friends from an Amish Family during an annual visit to Pennsylvania. Two of the younger girls were our first encounter at their gift shop. We’d provided a “gift bag” that included an item that required some explanation because it was a bit of a joke. I noted that their older sister “Rachel” might use it in her job as an Amish Teacher. (Last year was her first year. We’d shared some thoughts on teaching and explored some of the differences between an Amish one-room schoolhouse and my experience as a substitute teacher in a public school. )

The youngest girl, “Katie,” advised us that Rachel would not be teaching this fall. I expressed some surprised concern–she’d seemed quite passionate about teaching. Nine-year-old Katie explained, “She’s in a relationship.”

Janice asked, “Do we like him?” Katie replied, quite matter-of-factly, “Rachel does.”

When Rachel joined us, I couldn’t resist singing, “Rachel’s got a boyfriend.” She rolled her eyes and laughed, giving Katie a “you told, didn’t you” look. She didn’t offer much about him, but in explaining her decision not to teach this fall, she shared in Amish matter-of-fact tones, “I believe it’s best not to have too many priorities in life.”

When talking with the Amish, I try to consider their point of view because it’s often quite different from most. I’ve used the description “matter of fact” intentionally in describing Katie and Rachel’s explanation. The Amish are often referred to as “plain people.” Katie and Rachel spoke plainly–some would say “simply,” but that’s not entirely accurate. The Amish point of view is one where marriage and family are a huge priority–throughout their entire lives. It can seem strange or even backward to us “Englischers,” who are often focused on individuality, education, and careers.

The point here is not to understand Rachel’s decision but to see the clarity of her priorities. (She was busy weed-wacking the fence line of the family farm when we arrived.)

I don’t know precisely how old Rachel is, but probably in her late teens. She has figured out something most of us don’t. Ultimately, how busy we are is a matter of our priorities. And, for the most part, our priorities are of our own choosing.

Rachel didn’t complain that she was weed-whacking in temperatures in the high nineties with oppressive humidity. She apologized for her sweaty appearance and made it clear she would get right back at it following our visit.

I think one reason I enjoy the Amish so much is their unassuming and selfless outlook. From what I’ve seen, they don’t complain much. Gellasenheit*. Most of the Amish I know don’t give advice. They live it. Rachel doesn’t know it, but she has helped me make several important decisions. Those decisions are based on the possibility I just might have too many priorities in my life.

She’s also aroused my curiosity. I’ll ask her if she has a bucket list the next time we visit. I won’t be surprised if she replies, “What is that?”

We Englischers seem to live with a deficit approach wherein life is about what we don’t have and how we’re going to get it. When we start to think we’re too busy, it may be time to remember Rachel. “It’s best not to have too many priorities in life.”

*Gellasenheit is a difficult concept to explain in a few words, but it’s about “yieldedness” and letting things be. It helps explain the Amish tendency to yield to tradition and “let things be.”

Meeting Mrs. Miller!

Meeting Mrs. Miller is a story I wrote for the Blog “Amish America” run by Eric Wesner. I’ve been a long-time fan because it’s one of the most credible Amish-related sites on the Internet! I’m honored to have contributed!

For those who are “local,” Mrs. Miller is an Old Order Amish woman who is part of a fairly new Amish Community in the Corinth, Maine area. Stop by and say “Hello!” As I mentioned in the article, when I told her I was promoting her on the Internet, she said, “I’ve heard of that.” I’m not sure she fully appreciates how lucky she is on that point–there are days when I wish I wasn’t so familiar with it.

But then, how would you know about her and her stand if it weren’t for the Internet? Just don’t buy all her bread before I get there, please! She also runs out of homemade butter quickly.

When Artificial Intelligence Isn’t…

Sometimes, you have to see the humor in it.

I’ve not been particularly fearful of the increasing use of AI. Some of my writer colleagues are freaking out. While I’m certainly not an expert, I think an essential limitation of AI is the linear aspect–at least at this point.

There’s a fundamental difference between “intelligence” and “thinking.” Intelligence means knowing you don’t start sentences with a contraction. But a thinking writer will do so to make a point. (See what I just did there?)

So here’s a story for you. I received a $50 debit card thanks to a settled class action suit. It could only be used for online purchases, functioning like a prepaid credit card. The instructions warned that the transaction would be denied if an attempted purchase was more than the balance on the card.

I purchased using the card for $48.52, leaving a $1.48 balance on it. My financial thinking hated acknowledging that I would be “losing” that $1.48 unless I made an online purchase for less than that.

This is not too complicated so far, right?

A month later, I received an email advising me that my $12.76 purchase was denied because it exceeded the balance on the card. That would make sense, except that I hadn’t used the card. So the most logical conclusion to me (and, I’m sure, you) was the card has been “compromised.” We are both intelligent and thinking.

So I emailed my concern to the card provider. “Noemi” almost immediately advised that I’d been assigned a case number and would be hearing soon. (Apparently, Noemi must follow a proscribed, linear system to pretend it can think. )

When the reply came, AI generated it (emphasis on Artificial), reminding me that I was not allowed to make purchases that exceeded the balance, etc. It insulted my intelligence, but I reminded myself our relationship wouldn’t have much emotion. Noemi isn’t concerned about my feelings.

After some thinking (there’s that word again), I realized my only risk here was $1.48, which I’d already determined I would lose. But for the entertainment value, I continued to converse with Noemi via email.

Noemi continued sending me useless information reflecting its lack of understanding of my emails and inability to think.

ME: “I’m reporting this because there’s a problem with your system and this compromised card. The good news is the system denied the charge.”

NOEMI: “Please contact the vendor to dispute the charge.”

I briefly considered additional experimentation. Could I find a keyword for Noemi to recognize and generate a different response? I suspect that will become a required skill in the future, but I didn’t see much to gain this time.

One thing that does scare me a bit is that many humans are adopting this linear thinking pattern. I remember a conversation during COVID with a doctor’s office that was refusing to see me because “You have symptoms of COVID.”

I replied, “But I tested negative. The symptoms are attributed to my COPD.” (I should add this was a routine, non-essential visit.)

The human replied, “I’m sorry, but our policy is that we don’t see patients with COVID symptoms.” I thought her voice had a robotic tone.

I said, “Can you take a message for the doctor?” (Artificial intelligence likes closed-end questions that require a “yes” or “no” answer.) “Please advise the doctor that she will never see me again since I will always have these symptoms.”

Several days later, I received a call advising they had changed their policy and I could please come in next Tuesday.

So the good news is the bad news. AI doesn’t think like humans do–that’s the good news. But humans sometimes “think” the way AI does–that’s the bad news. I’m more concerned with human thinking than artificial intelligence. How about you?

Thanks to My Sort of Dad(s)…

I’ve not traditionally posted anything on Fathers’ Day, but I’m making an exception this year. Blame it on my age, but of late, I’ve been reflecting on my experiences with my Dad and the years immediately following his death when I was seven.

I think he’d like to know about the long list of guys who did their best to help fill the void. I’m certainly not going to try to name them all. Some were relatives. Many were his friends. Two were neighbors. They didn’t try to be my Dad; they just became my friend.

One helped me build a birdhouse; I think it weighed fifty pounds when we were finished adding ideas and amenities. A neighbor made me his companion when he split wood and gardened. The guy who ran the gas station and bait shop in town offered fishing advice and occasionally provided free tackle.

Some of those men remained a friend for years. They’re all gone now. Dad would have celebrated his ninety-eighth birthday this year. Today I miss them. Actually, I miss them a little every day. I’ve always said of my Dad that he’s with me and haunts me in ways that are positive beyond belief. I considered it a huge compliment when his friends would remark, “You’re just like your Dad.”

Was it providential that we had the same names? In later years, some of those men actually thought I was my Dad. If we’re in my hometown I can show you my name on the WW II honor roll.

I do occasionally wonder what he’d think about how complicated life’s become. But if I’m “just like” him, I think I know.

He’d miss the connections we had nearly seventy years ago. He’d miss the opportunities we had to be a caring friend to others, especially those much younger. He’d recognize the importance of friends but balance it with independence and resilience.

If you’d like to read a short story about how he taught me that, read “Thanks, Dad!” It’s the story of one of my best days with him.

Walter Boomsma, Sr.

1926-1954