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The title of the post is a loose translation of the message at the end of the video. What does really matter this year?
Category Archives: Personal Growth
Was the Big Bad Wolf Bad?
Sometimes I do suspect the planets align or karma does, in fact, exist. A recent conversation with an old high school chum ended with her announcing she was going to take her dog for an evening walk He is a bit territorial and was anxious to see if Mr. Fox was trespassing. She thought it might not end well.
This triggered a memory that was quickly followed by a seemingly unrelated quote posted on social media.
The memory was of a fun day substitute teaching “language arts” in a sixth-grade class. The assignment was to group read a book together and discuss it. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the title of the book. I’ve since found several versions based on the three little pigs, but this one was written about the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. It forced us to re-consider the tale from the wolf’s point of view. He narrated the story from his perspective with a plea for understanding.
We had a very intense and engaged discussion after finishing the book. The kids explored the wolf’s perspective with many admitting there were some things they hadn’t considered before. There were some friendly arguments, a few “hadn’t thought about that,” and 100% participation. (The objective of the activity was to encourage creative thinking and explore alternative viewpoints.)
After discussion, I decided to take a class vote. The question was, “How many of you now feel somewhat sorry for the wolf?” I don’t remember how many kids there were… probably around twenty. But I do remember the results of the vote.
One brave boy raised his hand indicating he thought differently about the wolf after reading the story and discussing it. The rest looked at him with what can best be described as incredulity and disbelief. Before concluding the activity was a failure, let me quickly add that no one attacked him or called him stupid. They understood he simply had a different viewpoint or perspective. They didn’t try to bully him into changing his mind. Another successful lesson.
But why did only one person change his perspective? I think the answer to that lies in this quote.
“The reason so many people misunderstand so many issues is not that these issues are so complex, but that people do not want a factual or analytical explanation that leaves them emotionally unsatisfied. They want villains to hate and heroes to cheer—and they don’t want explanations that fail to give them that.”
Thomas Soweit
Most of those kids simply did not want to give up the villain they had known since that story was read to them when they were little–he IS the big BAD wolf–that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! And I guess that’s okay because at least they had figured out that their classmate who thought differently wasn’t stupid. Some actually admitted they could see things differently but they just couldn’t change their opinion.
If the kids can get it, why do we adults have so much trouble?
How do you color a Rainbow?
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to claim I have a new friend. Considering how we met I am still surprised at how much I learned from her. Our friendship started while a number of us were waiting for a table at Geaghan’s Restaurant in Bangor. She happened to sit across from me. I noticed she was writing and drawing in a notebook. It started with some accidental eye contact and elevated to smiles and winks. Nearly everyone else was fumbling with their smartphones. She was creating.
When I was called to my table I waved goodbye. A few minutes after being seated, we were both surprised that she and her family were brought in and seated very close by. But the biggest surprise came a few minutes later. My friend and her Mom came over to my table. She slipped a piece of paper in front of me. Mom apologized for the fact they didn’t have colors to make the rainbow. In third grade lettering, it said at the top, “Enjoy your dinner.”
My enthusiastic thanks were not at all exaggerated. I was truly impressed and appreciative. We chatted long enough for me to learn that she’s in third grade and her favorite subject is science. Although, based on her hesitancy in answering, I suspect the answer might be different on a different day. One more thing to love about third graders is that they don’t get locked into beliefs and biases.
For those who believe in karma or planets aligning, it’s interesting that I have had several accidental encounters with kids lately that have left me happy and encouraged. I stared at my drawing for a long time.
Did my new friend know that I love rainbows because they represent hope? I didn’t get a chance to tell her so I’m hoping she does or maybe finds out somehow. Stranger things have happened.
I didn’t have a notebook, but I did have a business card. So I wrote her a similar message on the back, encouraging her to not only enjoy dinner but to save some room for dessert. I drew a small cat, writing “cat” underneath the drawing in case it wasn’t recognizable. I’ve had kids tell me I do draw a good cat. In a way similar to her presentation, I took it over and slipped it in front of her, evoking a big grin. Her Mom and Dad both thanked me. I’m not sure why, but in a world rife with suspicion they weren’t finding our new friendship creepy!
I kept her drawing in front of me during dinner. The more I looked at it, the more color I saw–not in the drawing itself but in my friend’s dancing eyes and smile. She gave me more than a drawing. She reminded me that there is hope. Kids know how to connect and they know it’s important to do so. It’s natural for them. They also know that sometimes you have to look a little farther and deeper to see the color. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that sometimes you have to make the color. She colored my rainbow with her smile and her dancing eyes and the obvious pleasure it gave her to do something nice for someone. That’s how you color a rainbow.
When she left, I held up her drawing and said that I was going to put it on my fridge when I got home. That seemed to please her. I hope she realizes how much it pleases me–not just the drawing, but her act of unselfish creation for a stranger. It’s such a simple life lesson. Making others happy brings us happiness. Offering others hope in any form brings us hope. If a nine-year-old can create hope and happiness, cannot we who are older do the same?
If we listen and watch, they’ll teach us how to color a rainbow–even if you don’t have crayons.
Thanks, Julia!
Seven years ago, Julia had the fine distinction of being the youngest and smallest driver in a special class of oxen pulling I watched. It was both entertaining and impressive. I snapped some photos and wrote an article in the hopes people would appreciate her skill and accomplishment.
Over the years since, I’ve always kept an eye out for her whenever I attend a pulling. So even though we only had one day to take in the Fryeburg Fair this year, much of it was spent sitting on the bleachers in the pulling barn and wandering through the barns where oxen were kept for viewing.
About halfway through Barn 15, I was a bit surprised to see that article and the photos I took laminated and stapled to a post near several teams. I scribbled a note on the back of a business card and tucked it into the article. “We are only here for the day… hope to bump into you!”
And we did—although our conversation took place leaning over the rail between the stands and “pit” between events. We met Grandpa Steve first—he assured us that Julia is, in fact, still driving oxen and horses. He pointed out that she’s still on the petite side, so when she arrives home from school, he must harness the horses for her, but then she’s off breaking trails in the winter and helping him with chores. She’s also managing fourteen beehives in her spare time.
Dad and Mom soon joined our conversation. That’s when I learned how that pull seven years ago changed the face of pulling at fairs by demonstrating that kids (youth—not necessarily preschoolers) could safely manage teams. I confess hearing that made me feel a bit smug because the conclusion of that article was “Never underestimate a kid.”
Maybe another truth is “never underestimate the power of words.” While it was Julia and not my words that changed pulling at fairs, I am proud and humbled that those words I wrote seven years ago had significant meaning to Julia’s family. And who knows how many others? A lot of people were at the Fryeburg Fair. I want to think a few stopped to read the article stapled to the post. Apparently, the family found meaning in those words, and I gather the words travel with them to fairs.
It is equally apparent that Julia is a kid who would be easy to underestimate. She has a lot going on for her in terms of enthusiasm and determination. That’s just as apparent as it was seven years ago. Like many kids, it’s easy to be surprised by their potential. We didn’t get to watch her pull—that wasn’t happening until later in the week–but we did enjoy watching her serve as hitcher for her grandfather. Her parents were only too happy to share some of her many accomplishments. Julia also has achieved a rite of passage—during a pull a while back, she and her team broke a yoke. That demonstration of power is an achievement for both the team and the teamster.
While discussing Julia’s beehives, her Dad noted that Julia considers anything her grandfather does as “good.” Based on the way he said it, I think it falls into the category of an “open secret”—something everyone knows but doesn’t acknowledge openly.
When Julia arrived during our conversation, she of course had no idea who I was. She also didn’t realize how important she’s become to me. So, if she reads this, she’ll now know an “open secret.” I think a lot of her and admire her greatly!
You see, I drove to Fryeburg as much out of necessity as want. There’s been too much talk and thought about some “new normal” that seems to be about uncertainty with an unhealthy dose of pessimism stirred in. I needed to “center” and experience something reassuring and optimistic. I needed to be reminded that some things are certain, including the energy and enthusiasm of the kids we tend to underestimate. We often lament the world that we are going to leave for them and, in so doing, forget they will likely be better at managing it than we have been. For that reminder, thanks, Julia.
Don’t just sit there! Write!
If you write something, that makes you a writer, right? One day while substitute teaching “language arts,” a sixth-grader objected to the activity by claiming, “I am not a writer.” I walked to her desk and instructed her to open her writing journal to a blank page. “Now write the sentence ‘I am not a writer.'” After she followed my instruction I said, “So now you are a writer because you just wrote something.”
She gave me that “you’ve got to be kidding” look that pre-teens develop to perfection. My next prompt was “Now write another sentence telling me why you’re not a writer.” It took a few return visits to her desk to get her pencil moving in part because she wanted to prove me wrong. Plus it would have been more fun to stare off into space thoughtfully. But that wouldn’t be writing. After a couple of visits and sentences, her pencil seemed to develop a mind of its own. As I recall, she wrote an impassioned piece about how much she hated writing.I still wonder if she saw the irony.
A recent blog post by Seth Godin suggests “There is no such thing as writer’s block.” That set me to thinking big time, particularly since I love the opportunity to get kids writing. They learn all to quickly to claim they have “writer’s block.” I’m not too sympathetic.
Merriam Webster defines writer’s block as a “psychological inhibition.” For those of us who love language and words, there’s an opportunity here. “You don’t have writer’s block! You have a psychological inhibition!”
You have to love how serious that sounds.
But the good news is you can be your own therapist. If that weren’t the case, I’d open a posh retreat center with in-depth programs and support programs for “writers who are suffering from psychological inhibitions.” Attending would be very expensive.
Do enough bad writing and some good writing is bound to show up.
Seth Godin
Isn’t that comforting? We can enjoy our writer’s block by making it a serious psychological inhibition. It won’t take much “googling” to discover a long list of reasons and explanations for those dreaded issues.
Or we can write. Yes, it might be bad writing at first, but you can’t improve on a blank page. Well, that’s not 100% true. You improve on a blank page by getting words on it.
No thinking – that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is… to write, not to think!
Finding Forrester
That is one of the most freeing bits of advice I’ve ever seen about writing. No, writing isn’t always easy. But it can be simple.
Write. Just write.