Category Archives: Personal Growth

Causes and Friends, Learning, Maine Life, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

You have been warned!

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I’m near my breaking point. I think if I hear or read one more time “Out of an abundance of caution…” I’m going to scream.

Before you jump on me for being reckless, please note that I am only suggesting a minor change in wording. See if you can guess which word.

First, let’s talk about risk management–a somewhat forgotten concept when it comes to COVID-19 and the pandemic. It’s not a difficult concept. We do it almost instinctively and constantly. It’s a somewhat intuitive skill. For example, I will be going to the store later today. I’m quite certain that the trip will involve some hazards. A few come to mind. I could:

  • Have a car accident on the way to and from the store–most accidents occur close to home.
  • Slip and fall in the parking lot–it snowed yesterday and there will be snow and ice.
  • Have a piece of an aircraft engine fall from the sky and land on me–it happened recently somewhere.
  • Be shot by someone robbing the store–or suffer at the hand of someone who is angry over something.

So, come to think of it, maybe out of an abundance of caution I’ll just stay home. I haven’t yet factored in the risk of catching COVID-19 or some other disease. I did that intentionally to point out that we used to be reasonably skilled at risk management.

We knew that every decision we made and every action we took carried with it some degree of risk. So we drove carefully on the way to the store, knowing full well that an accident was still possible. We walked carefully through the ice and snow and realized that that the odds of a piece of an aircraft engine hitting us were fairly small. And maybe we trusted our instincts would keep us safe if we encountered violence.

That’s called “exercising appropriate caution.” I should perhaps add that we didn’t start “googling” and looking for data to see what the odds were of a car accident or falling on the ice. We trusted ourselves to make reasonably good decisions.

COVID-19 seems to have changed all that. Now we are making nearly all our decisions out of “an abundance of caution.”

When I hear that statement, I also hear the unspoken words, “If I act out of an abundance of caution, at least I won’t get blamed if something goes wrong.”

That’s an interesting perspective.

We can always reduce risk. But when we focus on reducing one risk, we will increase other risks. What happens if I don’t go to the store? At some point, we might do well to ask ourselves whether or not we are letting fear become the driving factor in our decisions. I recently heard someone bemoan that he hadn’t seen or hugged his grandchildren in a year. I wanted to ask, “Why?” but my own fear prevented it. I was afraid the answer would be “Out of an abundance of caution…” The abundance of caution is preventing consideration of how he might safely visit and hug his grandchildren.

An added concern is that it’s easy to get addicted to the safety of not taking risks. I’ve noticed it creeping in when I find myself writing and speaking more tentatively. At some purely academic level, it’s interesting. At a daily living level, it’s frightening.

Abundant caution is wasteful. One very practical example is that it creates the shortages we’ve experienced. An abundance of caution means you’d better have at least a two-year supply of toilet paper hidden in a closet somewhere. It’s a fear-driven decision. As I told the cashier who apologized when they ran out, “I’m fairly sure I can figure out some way to wipe my butt if we run out.” She laughed and agreed, “Now that I think I about it.”

Abundant caution also makes it easy to not do anything. Human beings were not built to “not do anything.” I genuinely appreciated a recent conversation with a good friend when he forced me to tell him what I am doing during these uncertain times.

So this is a plea for appropriate caution. In the midst of this pandemic, appropriate caution is necessary for each of us as individuals and for our communities. There’s room for some differences of opinion on what is appropriate, certainly, but we’ll connect and move forward when we understand and accept that some risk is necessary. Staying healthy is about a lot more than “not catching COVID-19.” What are you doing during these uncertain times?

Classes and Courses, Learning, Personal Growth, Teaching

Getting it right

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Tomorrow morning, I will be proctoring an exam for a group of students who took a course I didn’t teach. The exam will follow the typical multiple-choice format. A leading stem is followed by four answer choices. Before starting the exam, we’ll spend a few minutes talking about some “test-taking tips.” One I will emphasize is to slow down and think about the stem of the question before even looking at the answer choices.

I already know that some students will do poorly on questions where “All of the above.” is the correct answer. Even if you aren’t taking an exam tomorrow, you should know why that’s true.

In the most basic terms, we want to be right. That’s not a bad thing and it’s understandable. But in our rush to be right, we subconsciously reject the idea that there are four correct answers to the question. There must be one correct answer.

We’ve trained ourselves to think that way because it’s easy and works most of the time. In pre-school we learned that “apples are red.” So if asked this question:

1. Apples are:
A. Red
B. Yellow
C. Green
D. All of the above

The instinctive answer, particularly when hurrying, is “A!” I’ve occasionally said that one thing harder than taking tests is writing tests. Let’s try changing the stem of the question:

1. Most apples are:
A. Red
B. Yellow
C. Green
D. Purple

If forced to guess, most will still answer “A!” but I’m not so sure that’s the correct answer, are you? Nearly all apples are green for at least some portion of their development. Would a better question be “Most apples are, at some point of their development:?”

Test-writing and test-taking aside, in our rush to be right we often fail to consider alternatives. Considering alternatives takes time and can be hard work. It also means we may need to let go of our favorite beliefs and recognize there could be acceptable alternatives. There may not be an absolutely correct answer but there’s probably a best answer.

If we truly want to reduce the divisiveness we are experiencing as a society, we need to abandon the test mentality and the belief there is only one right answer.

Or maybe we need to start asking different questions. For example, what color are most apples beneath the skin?

Causes and Friends, Communication, Just for Fun, Learning, Mental Hygiene, Personal Growth

Happy New…?

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My favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables expresses one of Anne’s important discoveries.

“Every day is a new day with no mistakes in it.”

Anne Shirley

If we are kindred spirits, dare we say the same of every year?

“Every year is a new year with no mistakes in it!”

Walter Boomsma

I suspect that some have already added “yet” to my version of the quote. Rationalizing that I’m a realist, I was tempted myself. After all, when we look ahead, we also tend to look backward too. As one year ends and another begins, media outlets will write “the year in review,” and some will sing “Auld Lange Syne,” perhaps without pausing to wonder who or what it means. (It’s Scottish in origin, suggesting “let’s drink to days gone by…,” certainly an appropriate toast for the beginning of a new year. )

Now I don’t mean to mix drinking and driving but I would call your attention to the fact that rearview mirrors are a lot smaller than windshields. That says something about perspective. Where should we focus?

Taken to another extreme, I’d offer another favorite quote–I heard it years ago in a presentation by Joel Weldon, a highly respected motivational speaker best known for his “Success Comes in Cans” presentations.

“Jet pilots don’t use rearview mirrors.”

Joel Weldon

The truth is ultimately somewhere in both the past and the present. The world won’t magically change when the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve. I’ve long ago given up waiting for that magical moment with party hats, noisemakers, champagne, off-key singing, hugging, and kissing.

Thanks to COVID-19, there definitely won’t be much hugging and kissing this year. I understand singing is also not recommended.

The challenge with using a rearview mirror is that it’s easy to fall into a “subtractive” mindset, romanticizing what was and what we miss. Almost without realizing it, we forget about the windshield. If you can stand another quote–this one not so famous–I’ll share the background first. It’s from an old television program. A distraught man was sharing his feelings with his therapist while pacing around the room. He happened to stop in front of the window.

“I just realized what my problem is… I’ve been looking in the mirror when I should have been looking out the window.”

Anonymous Mental Health Patient

So I’m not going to ask you about your resolutions–that’s looking out the windshield. I’m not going to ask you what was the best thing that happened to you–that’s looking in the rearview mirror. I won’t even wish you a happy new year.

I will ask you to do this. Remember that life is not just about where you’ve been or where you’re going. It’s not just about what’s happened to you or what’s going to happen to you. Life is about being and this year, with its uncertainties and unknowns, “being” is what life is about.

Celebrate that!