Just a little backstory. I was recently invited to join a leadership webinar featuring Shawn Achor. The name clicked. I first “met” Shawn nine years ago when I watched a TED Talk he gave. I just watched it again.
What a great twelve minutes it was. I smiled. I laughed out loud. I’ll bet you’d like to do that too. There’s a lot to think about here. You may decide to watch it more than once. It could change your day. It could change your life.
Sometimes I do suspect the planets align or karma does, in fact, exist. A recent conversation with an old high school chum ended with her announcing she was going to take her dog for an evening walk He is a bit territorial and was anxious to see if Mr. Fox was trespassing. She thought it might not end well.
This triggered a memory that was quickly followed by a seemingly unrelated quote posted on social media.
The memory was of a fun day substitute teaching “language arts” in a sixth-grade class. The assignment was to group read a book together and discuss it. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the title of the book. I’ve since found several versions based on the three little pigs, but this one was written about the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. It forced us to re-consider the tale from the wolf’s point of view. He narrated the story from his perspective with a plea for understanding.
We had a very intense and engaged discussion after finishing the book. The kids explored the wolf’s perspective with many admitting there were some things they hadn’t considered before. There were some friendly arguments, a few “hadn’t thought about that,” and 100% participation. (The objective of the activity was to encourage creative thinking and explore alternative viewpoints.)
After discussion, I decided to take a class vote. The question was, “How many of you now feel somewhat sorry for the wolf?” I don’t remember how many kids there were… probably around twenty. But I do remember the results of the vote.
One brave boy raised his hand indicating he thought differently about the wolf after reading the story and discussing it. The rest looked at him with what can best be described as incredulity and disbelief. Before concluding the activity was a failure, let me quickly add that no one attacked him or called him stupid. They understood he simply had a different viewpoint or perspective. They didn’t try to bully him into changing his mind. Another successful lesson.
But why did only one person change his perspective? I think the answer to that lies in this quote.
“The reason so many people misunderstand so many issues is not that these issues are so complex, but that people do not want a factual or analytical explanation that leaves them emotionally unsatisfied. They want villains to hate and heroes to cheer—and they don’t want explanations that fail to give them that.”
Thomas Soweit
Most of those kids simply did not want to give up the villain they had known since that story was read to them when they were little–he IS the big BAD wolf–that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! And I guess that’s okay because at least they had figured out that their classmate who thought differently wasn’t stupid. Some actually admitted they could see things differently but they just couldn’t change their opinion.
If the kids can get it, why do we adults have so much trouble?
I’m near my breaking point. I think if I hear or read one more time “Out of an abundance of caution…” I’m going to scream.
Before you jump on me for being reckless, please note that I am only suggesting a minor change in wording. See if you can guess which word.
First, let’s talk about risk management–a somewhat forgotten concept when it comes to COVID-19 and the pandemic. It’s not a difficult concept. We do it almost instinctively and constantly. It’s a somewhat intuitive skill. For example, I will be going to the store later today. I’m quite certain that the trip will involve some hazards. A few come to mind. I could:
So, come to think of it, maybe out of an abundance of caution I’ll just stay home. I haven’t yet factored in the risk of catching COVID-19 or some other disease. I did that intentionally to point out that we used to be reasonably skilled at risk management.
We knew that every decision we made and every action we took carried with it some degree of risk. So we drove carefully on the way to the store, knowing full well that an accident was still possible. We walked carefully through the ice and snow and realized that that the odds of a piece of an aircraft engine hitting us were fairly small. And maybe we trusted our instincts would keep us safe if we encountered violence.
That’s called “exercising appropriate caution.” I should perhaps add that we didn’t start “googling” and looking for data to see what the odds were of a car accident or falling on the ice. We trusted ourselves to make reasonably good decisions.
COVID-19 seems to have changed all that. Now we are making nearly all our decisions out of “an abundance of caution.”
When I hear that statement, I also hear the unspoken words, “If I act out of an abundance of caution, at least I won’t get blamed if something goes wrong.”
That’s an interesting perspective.
We can always reduce risk. But when we focus on reducing one risk, we will increase other risks. What happens if I don’t go to the store? At some point, we might do well to ask ourselves whether or not we are letting fear become the driving factor in our decisions. I recently heard someone bemoan that he hadn’t seen or hugged his grandchildren in a year. I wanted to ask, “Why?” but my own fear prevented it. I was afraid the answer would be “Out of an abundance of caution…” The abundance of caution is preventing consideration of how he might safely visit and hug his grandchildren.
An added concern is that it’s easy to get addicted to the safety of not taking risks. I’ve noticed it creeping in when I find myself writing and speaking more tentatively. At some purely academic level, it’s interesting. At a daily living level, it’s frightening.
Abundant caution is wasteful. One very practical example is that it creates the shortages we’ve experienced. An abundance of caution means you’d better have at least a two-year supply of toilet paper hidden in a closet somewhere. It’s a fear-driven decision. As I told the cashier who apologized when they ran out, “I’m fairly sure I can figure out some way to wipe my butt if we run out.” She laughed and agreed, “Now that I think I about it.”
Abundant caution also makes it easy to not do anything. Human beings were not built to “not do anything.” I genuinely appreciated a recent conversation with a good friend when he forced me to tell him what I am doing during these uncertain times.
So this is a plea for appropriate caution. In the midst of this pandemic, appropriate caution is necessary for each of us as individuals and for our communities. There’s room for some differences of opinion on what is appropriate, certainly, but we’ll connect and move forward when we understand and accept that some risk is necessary. Staying healthy is about a lot more than “not catching COVID-19.” What are you doing during these uncertain times?
My favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables expresses one of Anne’s important discoveries.
“Every day is a new day with no mistakes in it.”
Anne Shirley
If we are kindred spirits, dare we say the same of every year?
“Every year is a new year with no mistakes in it!”
Walter Boomsma
I suspect that some have already added “yet” to my version of the quote. Rationalizing that I’m a realist, I was tempted myself. After all, when we look ahead, we also tend to look backward too. As one year ends and another begins, media outlets will write “the year in review,” and some will sing “Auld Lange Syne,” perhaps without pausing to wonder who or what it means. (It’s Scottish in origin, suggesting “let’s drink to days gone by…,” certainly an appropriate toast for the beginning of a new year. )
Now I don’t mean to mix drinking and driving but I would call your attention to the fact that rearview mirrors are a lot smaller than windshields. That says something about perspective. Where should we focus?
Taken to another extreme, I’d offer another favorite quote–I heard it years ago in a presentation by Joel Weldon, a highly respected motivational speaker best known for his “Success Comes in Cans” presentations.
“Jet pilots don’t use rearview mirrors.”
Joel Weldon
The truth is ultimately somewhere in both the past and the present. The world won’t magically change when the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve. I’ve long ago given up waiting for that magical moment with party hats, noisemakers, champagne, off-key singing, hugging, and kissing.
Thanks to COVID-19, there definitely won’t be much hugging and kissing this year. I understand singing is also not recommended.
The challenge with using a rearview mirror is that it’s easy to fall into a “subtractive” mindset, romanticizing what was and what we miss. Almost without realizing it, we forget about the windshield. If you can stand another quote–this one not so famous–I’ll share the background first. It’s from an old television program. A distraught man was sharing his feelings with his therapist while pacing around the room. He happened to stop in front of the window.
“I just realized what my problem is… I’ve been looking in the mirror when I should have been looking out the window.”
Anonymous Mental Health Patient
So I’m not going to ask you about your resolutions–that’s looking out the windshield. I’m not going to ask you what was the best thing that happened to you–that’s looking in the rearview mirror. I won’t even wish you a happy new year.
I will ask you to do this. Remember that life is not just about where you’ve been or where you’re going. It’s not just about what’s happened to you or what’s going to happen to you. Life is about being and this year, with its uncertainties and unknowns, “being” is what life is about.
Celebrate that!